A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes
by K-Shandra
Summary: Ziva receives a phone call from Gibbs that Tony has been shot and rushes over to the hospital, but what she expected and what she finds has her rethink their partnership.
1. Chapter 1

Title: A Dream Is a Wish Your Heart Makes.

Genre: NCIS – Romance – Mild Angst.

Pairing: Tony and Ziva.

Rating: T – For now.

Timeline: AU Season 9. Originally triggered by spoilers for 9X1, discount subsequent episodes.

Spoilers: Many… and once again used without discretion.

Summery: What summery I haven't even finished it? Oh that one… Ziva receives a phone call from Gibbs that Tony has been shot and rushes over to the hospital, but what she expected and what she finds has her rethink their partnership.

Disclaimer: If wishes were horses… mine would've been reregistered as Tony and Ziva… Ugh, wait! That won't work, coz Tony would be gelded... I'd better go shopping first

A/N: The muse had reign here… and boy did she fluff in places… The storyline is as old as the hill, but I hope to do it justice (read – I never thought I'd do this.), but the muse just did not want to let go of it… yes there the following chapters are in progress, the first 12 000 words are down.

General thoughts: I was getting this uncomfortable GSR CSI sensation from Tony and Ziva at the start of the season, and not too long ago I thought that it could possibly be the best way they (the writers) could approach the whole Tiva situation. That way not making the reveal detrimental to the show overall… And there was a closeness and familiarity between them in 9X3 and the implication that they do spend time together outside of work… I'm not sure if they are there yet, but I have a feeling they are both allowing for it to happen, (in other words… not chasing or fighting it.) and that they are no longer weary of showing their interest – sorry concern – towards each other. But trust the writers to make this wistful thinking on my part…

Written: Outline started in September 2011… W.I.P. Ha, with my temperamental muse, what did you expect?

Word Count: 3 015

Lyrics/Trigger: When You Love Someone, by Bryan Adams

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When you love someone, you'll do anything.

You'll do all the crazy things – that you can't explain.

You'll shoot moon, put out the sun – when you love someone.

You'll deny the truth – Believe a lie.

There will be times that you believe, that you could really fly.

That your lonely nights. have just begun, when you love someone.

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Ziva had scarcely arrived home that night when Gibbs's call came through, informing her that Tony had been shot and was unconscious in hospital. Sparing thought for little else, other than her need to get to Tony, she grabbed her keys and bag and made her way to Bethesda where he'd been admitted.

Her arrival at the hospital was not quite as dramatic as she had anticipated it being, especially considering that the only words that had truly registered with her was that Tony had been shot and that he was in hospital. She just about bolted into the emergency room with her heart racing at a mile a minute, and was fully intent on interrogating the nurse on duty when Gibbs intercepted her. 'He's this way,' Gibbs said, indicating for her to follow him.

'He is not in surgery?' Ziva asked, stunned but slightly relieved. The stress and concern she'd experienced since having received his call was barely contained in her voice as she followed him down the hospital hallway.

'The Kevlar caught it. He's still unconscious, took a blow to the head,' Gibbs replied gruffly, his voice carrying a hint of concern, 'I want you to sit with him until he comes to, then find out what he remembers.' Gibbs said stopping in front of a door.

'Where are you going?' Ziva was quick to question, not understanding where the rest of the team, or at least Abby, was.

'I have a lead, there was blood on the scene, Abby's running it to find a match,' Gibbs replied, indicating with his head towards the door, 'he'll be okay,' Gibbs finished before taking his leave of her.

Ziva took a deep breath in hope of calming her nerves, not certain as to what she was likely find on entering his room. Drawing herself together, she reached for the door handle and opened the door. It had been a while since she'd seen him, especially since he'd dropped off grid during his investigation. Having expected some or another retort on her entry, she was hesitant when on stepping into the room it remained eerily silent, especially for one containing Tony. She slowly approached the bed in which Tony lay. The stillness of his form unnerved her. She was too used to his often over-exaggerated movements and loud mouth, or at least him at least being conscious around her. Seeing him like that just made the evening's events too real for her, the thought that it could have turned out differently. Then there was an inherent anger that boiled up inside her. She was livid because he had not thought to take her with him, because he'd once again gone and done something dangerous without her there to back him up. She felt like hitting him, no killing him, for his inconsiderate behaviour. She had for some time already dreaded the day she would get that call… the one that told her… Ziva shook her head slightly at the thought, not wanting to go there. She did not know what she would do if something actually were to happen to Tony. Monsters aside, she knew she would be incapable of continuing without him there to make it bearable.

She gazed at his unconscious form. The heart monitor registered his heartbeat, confirming that he was still alive, the sound of which slightly soothed her nerves.

She took a quick inventory of his visible injuries, her gaze lingering on the graze on his forehead. Slowly she reached for his chart in order to compare her findings. She vowed to herself that the moment she found out who was responsible for his injures, she would find them and inflict similar, if not more serious, ones. Nobody hurts Tony and gets away with it, not if she can help it.

She was hard pressed to remember the last time Tony had been admitted to hospital, his past interests in hospitals was also best left unexplored.

Having assured herself that nothing serious was the cause of his condition, she returned his chart back in its holder and stepped round to the side of the bed, carefully as if not to disturb him. She looked at his restful face then sat down on the bed, placing her one hand over his. Carefully leaning forward slightly, she reached for the tendrils of hair that fell over the gaze on his forehead, lifting them slightly to ensure that they had not dried as part of the scab. He moved slightly as her fingers tried to pacify the stubborn tendrils back and away from the wound. Looking down at him she squeezed his hand, hoping that it would encourage him to wake up.

'Ziva?' He questioned his voice croaky, causing her heart to race. She was unable to comprehend why it was so important to her that her name was the first one he spoke on waking.

'Yes Tony,' she returned, sitting upright again as his eyes opened, finding hers.

'My head hurts,' Tony bemoaned, sounding like a little boy whilst lifting his hand to touch his forehead.

'That does not surprise me,' Ziva returned, having seen his dilated pupils, indicating concussion.

'Did we fight?' Tony asked smiling slightly, hoping to draw a smile from her, knowing how they always made him feel better.

'No, you were found in an ally, shot and unconscious,' Ziva returned with a sight touch of anger in her tone, flashes of Gibbs's call having returned after her mind had come to terms that Tony was, in a manner of speaking, safe and sound.

'I don't feel shot,' Tony was quick to return, after having taken a moment to access his physical condition.

'Your vest stopped it,' Ziva returned, thankful that he'd had the foresight to wear it.

'Where am I?' Tony questioned looking about.

'You are in hospital, Bethesda,' Ziva was quick to return, uncertain as to what he may be intending to do.

'I don't like hospitals,' Tony stated, returning his attention to her.

'I must call the nurse,' Ziva said, rising slightly to reach for the call button, only to have Tony stop her by reaching for her hand.

'When did we get back?' Tony asked, his hand closing around hers.

'Back from where?' Ziva questioned, slightly confused.

'Paris.' Tony returned, his other hand turning slightly to take the one she'd earlier placed over it.

Ziva frowned slightly and tilted her head to the side, trying to determine if he was trying to pull one over her again, but his behaviour was too far removed from his usual for her to simply brush it off. 'Tony, that was almost two years ago,' Ziva returned, her voice gentle but firm, 'what do you remember?'

'I remember waking up next to you in Paris, sharing breakfast.' Tony returned, his eyes remaining fixed to hers, as if seeking something.

Ziva's mind drifted back to the morning in question, hundreds of little memories of that trip came to the fore, but none of them were as strong as the remembered sense of contentment she had experienced on waking up next to him, a sense of fulfilment she had not experienced again since then. The memories caused a soft smile to form on her lips, and at its appearance Tony was heartened to add, 'I was happy then.'

Ziva tilted her head slightly, 'yes you were,' she continued, remembering her own sense of elation, still being unable to understand how the simple act of waking next to him could have provided her with such solace.

'You do no remember what happened tonight?' Ziva asked, dropping her hand slightly.

Tony remained silent for a while, his eyes turning towards the ceiling, 'no, nothing, nothing much since that morning in Paris.'

'You need to see a doctor,' Ziva insisted, concerned, then again reached for the call button, having pulled her hand from his. Her actions alerted Tony that something is off.

His gaze for a moment dropped to her left hand, for some reason breathing was easier when he noticed the lack of a ring on it. He vaguely remembered her mentions something about settling down, and knew that he would be devastated at the thought of Ziva belonging to someone else. But even more so, if they had married and he couldn't remember it.

The nurse entered the room just as Tony asked, 'we're still partners?'

Ziva picked up the slight panic in his voice, before answering, 'yes Tony, we are still partners, I am a American citizen and a fully fledged agent.'

Her words gave him some comfort, knowing that she was not about to be ripped from him by some government policy, before he realized that a considerable time would have elapsed then.

Ziva what year is it? He asked not heeding to the nurse's light prodding.

'Two thousand and eleven,' Ziva returned, 'September.'

The nurse caught her eye and noted her concern, having given Tony a quick once over, then gave her a quick nod of understanding and turned away to summons the doctor on call.

Ziva was pacing the passage whilst the doctor examined Tony, her thoughts flittering through everything that had happened between them since returning from Paris, the one thing that seemed to remain pertinent in her thoughts was that of the renewed sense of hope she had felt. He had been more flirty more open, she had fought against it, fearing that it was a trick, and it seemed that way when Dana showed up on the scene and drew his attention from her again, now she was not so sure if that had been the case, that he might have been genuinely interested and because of her defensiveness she had prevented something form developing. She had no idea how to approach the situation with him, how to act around him. She knew what she would like from him, but getting it without falling flat on her face or having her heart broken in the process is what made reaching for it hardest.

Ziva had turned around and was intent on striding back up the corridor when the doctor emerged from Tony's room

'Doctor?' Ziva anxiously drew his attention, 'Is he okay?'

The doctor looked at her, 'he should be fine. He's suffering some degree of amnesia as a result of the trauma suffered. The extent of which we will only be able to determine once he has had a CAT scan.' The doctor informed her.

Ziva nodded her head in response 'how long will his memory suffer?'

'I cannot tell, in most cases memory is restored once the disruption suffered between the cerebrospinal fluid and brain substance stabilizes, it can be anything from a few hours to a few days. That also depends on whether there are any emotional reasons as to why he could be suppressing his memory. That in turn would require therapy as it is something he would need to accept, but it is still to early to tell, trauma has various effects on the body and the brain.' The doctor concluded, watching her reaction.

'Thank you,' Ziva returned, only slightly reassured by his diagnoses.

'You can go sit with him if you like, he was anxious when you left.' The doctor said indicating towards the door, before taking his leave of her.

'Thank you, I just need to make a call first.' Ziva replied reaching for her phone, intent on calling Gibbs and informing him of the situation.

Tony lay on the bed, trying to remember what had happened that night, but nothing seemed to come back. All he got for his efforts was an even greater headache. Closing his eyes he let out an elaborate sigh, then allowed his thoughts to turn towards Ziva. His head shot up again, aggravating the pain in his skull, as his head turned to the door. _Where__'__s__Ziva?_ he thought, not liking the fact that she had not yet returned. Then breathed a sigh of relief when the door once again opened and she stepped inside. He noticed her concerned look as she approached his bed

'How are you feeling?' She charily asked, coming to stand next to his bed.

'Other than having a little man with a twenty pound hammer swinging away at my brain, I'm okay?' Tony returned shrugging his shoulders slightly, wanting to remove some of the concern her saw within her eyes.

'Tony,' Ziva cautioned, her concern evident in her voice.

'It takes a lot to kill a weed, Ziva,' Tony returned, hoping to lighten the mood.

'What does a weed have to do with it?' Ziva returned for a moment perplexed.

'Never mind, sit,' Tony invited patting the bed next to his thigh.

Ziva looked at the bed for a moment then thinking nothing of it sat down next to him. 'Do you remember anything?' she asked once settled.

Tony placed his hand on her knee, causing her to stiffen slightly. Tony for a moment frowned at her response, but left his hand there. 'I don't remember anything, why? You would have been there with me,' He returned confidently, then frowned when he saw her reaction.

Ziva shook her head slightly. 'You dropped off the grid a few weeks ago, Vance and SecNav were not concerned about it, that was when Gibbs realized you were working under cover again.' Ziva started, fighting to contain the disappointment in her voice. She had hoped that their partnership had been strong enough that he would at least give her a heads up if he were to disappear suddenly, or at least some indication as to how she could come into contact with him if he did.

'That is why you are angry?' Tony asked, encouraging her to look at him.

'When Gibbs called and told me you'd been shot…' Ziva left the rest unsaid.

'You thought the worst,' Tony finished for her, and saw her nod her head in response. His heart ached, realizing what he'd put her through. Suddenly understanding why things felt off, but could not understand why he would have done something like that to her. Intending to draw her attention, he ran his hand slightly up her thigh. It had the desired effect causing her to look up at him suddenly. 'Do you know what I was working on?' he asked, and was surprised when Ziva simply shook her head in response. Ziva's mind focused on the area of her leg he was toughing, she knew she should correct him and remove his hand but it was such a comforting sensation that she did not want it to end. She did not want him to think he could not touch her, and that maybe, if she allowed it, she could have more of him. She had always known that if they were to touch that they would convey too much. There was no way that she could touch Tony or have him touch her without being affected.

'Have you spoken to Gibbs?' Tony asked when she remained silent, he allowed his fingers to slightly caress her leg, liking the feel of it under his fingertips.

'I phoned him after having spoken to the doctor,' Ziva confirmed, enjoying his touch, wanting more of it.

'He's looking for the person responsible?' Tony continued, his touches becoming a little more confidant when it became evident that she would not stop him.

'Yes,' Ziva confirmed nodding her head, just then her phone rang. She pulled it out to look at the caller id before answering, 'hello Abby.'

'Hey Ziva, Gibbs said that Tony's awake, is he okay? does he remember us?' Abby's concerned voice came across the line.

'Yes Abby, Tony seems fine, and I think he would remember you,' Ziva returned, not wanting to ponder on her envy of their shared relationship, knowing she would give just about anything to have the freedom with him that Abby had.

'Oh, okay where is he?' Abby was quick to question.

'In bed, do you want to speak to him?' Ziva asked, looking at Tony who slightly shook his head, indicating that he did not want to.

'No I just needed to know that he is okay. I'll stop by to see him later,' Abby concluded before ending the call.

'Abby will be stopping by later to check up on you,' Ziva said as she returned her phone to her pocket.

'You are leaving?' Tony suddenly asked, his voice conveying his panic.

'You should rest,' Ziva reasoned in return, her hand coming to rest over his.

'Ziva wait!' Tony suddenly exclaimed, his hand on the leg closing slightly to hold her in place, 'we did fight didn't we?' He suddenly asked, concerned by the distance she maintained.

Ziva took a deep breath not knowing how to answer that question, they had not fought par-say, but they had had some disagreements, 'your memory will soon return Tony,' she finally replied, knowing that things would make better sense then. She did not want to explain to him about EJ and Ray. She thought it best that he remember that for himself.

'What did I do?' Tony persisted, not wanting her to leave.

'You did nothing, Tony,' Ziva finally said, her fingers closing round his hand, lifting it off her leg before getting up, 'you should rest, by morning you will be better able of understanding things,' Ziva concluded.

'Won't you stay?' Tony asked, not comfortable with the idea of her being separated from him.

'It is late, and I should also get some rest,' Ziva returned gathering up her keys.

'What time is it?' Tony was quick to ask, intent on arguing with her to stay a little longer.

'Just after midnight,' Ziva returned, giving him another once over.

Tony just nodded his head feigning understanding. It was late, and he knew how relentless Gibbs could be, but he wanted to pull her back to him, to keep her with him.

Ziva too her leave of him and whilst she made her way to her car, she mulled over his actions and what they could imply.

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	2. Chapter 2

Title: A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes – Chapter 2.

Genre: NCIS

Pairing: Tony and Ziva

Rating: T – Well get up off the ground, I do at times write lower rated stories – Ha until part 4 of this….

Timeline: Season 9. AU.

Spoilers: Everything is game up until season ten.

Summery: See Chapter One.

Disclaimer: "Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave." – Penguins in Madagascar.

A/N: My muse is reticent on this one…

Written: January 2012

Edited: March 2012

Word Count: 2,199

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When Ziva arrived at the hospital the following morning with Tony's clothes, she had expected to find a more playful Tony. However, she was once again jolted to her core when he remained bizarrely silent after his scan. His behaviour scared her more when he seemed to drift off in his thoughts, and remained there for some period of time.

Ziva stepped up to him and placed her hand on his arm hoping to draw his attention. 'Are you okay?' she asked him in concern, tilting her head sideways as if trying to gauge his response.

Her touch jerked him out of his deliberation, causing him to look at her for a moment before answering her with an unconvincing. 'Yeah.'

'Have your remembered anything?' Ziva questioned, lifting her hand from his arm and settling on his bed, closely scrutinizing him in expectation of his answer.

'No,' he brusquely answered, then dropped his gaze to her hands that were resting on top of each other on her one leg.

'Did they find anything with the scan?' Ziva questioned leaning forward slightly, trying to draw him from his thoughts, and focus his attention on her, not liking how his mind kept wandering about.

'Nothing out of the ordinary,' his apathetic answer came.

Ziva tipped her head slightly. 'How are you really feeling?' she asked whilst moving her hand to place it on his knee in empathy.

Her action caused him to look at her, before slowly lowering his lashes and answering, 'a little lost.'

'That is to be understood,' Ziva returned in her confidant and convincing voice, 'come on, Gibbs asked of me to take you home.' She concluded before rising from the bed and reaching for the backpack she had brought.

'Okay,' Tony relied, nodding his head slightly, and quickly regretted it as the low level pulsing in his head had increased by the action.

'Come,' she said placing the bag on the bed, 'get dressed.'

'What here?' Tony asked indicating to her presence.

'Here, in there,' Ziva said indicating to the small bathroom,' it does not matter, it is not as if I have not seen you in various staged of undress.' Then became even more concerned when he, unlike in the past, did not jostle her back, instead appearing to be utterly perplexed by her words.

'That my spare kit?' he questioned, indicating to the bag.

'No, I brought you clothes from home,' Ziva returned, and saw another frown form on his face, before he got up from the bed and reached for the bag, not even concerning himself with the gaping back of the hospital gown he was wearing, as he made his way to the tiny bathroom.

Ziva's gaze followed his progress, and she settled, waiting for him to reappear so that they could sign him out.

They arrived at his apartment which seemed completely foreign to him, even with the familiar belongings in it. There were changes, and it was to be expected, however he had in some way expected to find some of her stuff there, however on the surface there seemed to be nothing. Walking about he identified the changes, there were movies in his collection he could not recall purchasing or even having watched.

When he turned to look at her, he noticed her concern in his actions, 'Is everything okay?' Ziva asked stepping over to him.

'I don't know,' he replied and again shook his head slightly, pinching his eyes as the pain assailed his brain. 'I can't remember much, but it seems off somehow,' He replied indicating the room.

'You went off grid for nearly two months, you were not home during that time,' Ziva supplied, her voice decidedly devoid of any emotion.

'How do you know?' He was quick to question, having known that that particular tone was only used when she was withholding something.

'Because I came around a few times a week…looking for you.'

Tony mulled over her words for a few moment, 'I'll get used to it,' He replied indicating to his room.

'It is only to be expected, considering what you have been through,' Ziva added pensively.

'You don't need to make excuses for me Ziva,' Tony was quick to return, having been used to her calling him out on his crap, not knowing how to deal with her current demeanour.

'I am not!' Ziva heatedly insisted, and for a moment, Tony smiled in recognition of his ninja. 'What is concerning you Tony,' she questioned, having seen his response to her insistence.

'I can't remember anything about us,' he softly replied, and continued before she could respond. 'Yes, I understand that I went under cover, but why wouldn't I tell you?' He reasoned.

'It was a black ops Tony, not even Gibbs knew about it,' Ziva reasoned in response, her voice calm but insistent.

'What did we fight about?' Tony questioned, catching her off guard.

'We did not fight,' Ziva insisted.

'Then why are you so…' Tony for a moment lifted his hand as if searching for the right word.

'I only told you to look out for yourself, and…' Ziva left the rest unsaid.

'I ended up shot in an alley,' he finally finished for her. 'I get it,' Tony finally said.

'I doubt you do,' Ziva threw back. The look of shock on her face, when she realized that she had said them aloud, confirmed Tony's suspicion that there was more to her mood than the past few days' events. 'Are you sure your going be okay on your own?' She quickly asked, hastily retreating from the words she had spoken.

'Yeah, sure, I'll be right here whilst you hunt down the bad guys,' Tony replies sarcastically, not quite willing to push her for the meaning behind her words.

'Tony, it is only for a week,' Ziva insisted, 'The doctors said you should have regained your memory by then.'

'And if I haven't,' He returned softly.

'Well then you'll just have to come to work and start anew,' she said shrugging her shoulders slightly. 'I'm sure Abby could think up a few ways of recalling your memory,'

'Jogging my memory,' Tony corrected her.

'What?' She retuned frowning slightly.

'Never mind, some things don't change.' He returned more calmly.

'Whatever, I have to go,' Ziva countered him, 'if you want to, I could stop by this evening with some pizza for you.'

'And a movie,' he added quickly, knowing he seemed overly willing to take her up on her offer.

'And a movie, if there is time,' she returned, smiling slightly. The sight of which had his heart flutter in his chest.

'Pinkie promise,' he insisted, holding up his finger.

'I will not pinkie promise on pizza and a movie, what happens if Gibbs keeps us late,' Ziva quickly countered him.

'True,' Tony relented.

'I will phone you and let you know what is happening,' Ziva professed before leaving.

Ziva returned to the Naval Yard, leaving Tony to wander about his home, which seemed almost too tidy in a way. He walked into his bedroom and dropped the backpack on his bed, when the thought suddenly struck him, _how had Ziva gotten into my apartment._ He could not remember having ever given her a key. However knowing Ziva, she most probably would have picked the lock. Shaking his head slightly, he thought it best not to give it another thought, at least until he settled on his couch some time later. He found it exceedingly strange that there were no indication of any women having been in his apartment, he had always been bad at things like that. There was usually something about if he was in a relationship, but curiously he did not have any lingering sensation that he could be in a relationship with someone. Moreover, there was nothing of Ziva's lying about the place, yet she had been the one next to his bedside when he had woken. He shook his head slightly trying to make sense of things. Two months…he had gone off grid for two months. There had to be something there that would give him an idea as to what was going on with Ziva. He knew he would not just up and leave her like that. He would not put her through the hell he had gone through, when Gibbs had left her in Israel. He still remembered the expectation that had filled him every morning when he made his way to the office, hoping that it would be the day he once again saw her seated opposite him in the bullpen. And how that expectation had morphed into a yearning for someone to merely say or mention her name, as an excuse that he could ask about her, or to find out if anyone else had been in contact with her. He had known that she was livid with him, and could have insisted that no one mentions his name, and that likewise no news of her was to reach him… and he could have understood that. But he would never do that to her, he would not go off grid for two months, not willingly at least… or would he?

No he couldn't, he'd told her too much out in the desert. He had let her see too much of what he had been though in her absence. He had nearly worn his nerves to tatters, wondering when she would come back, if she would come back… And then there had been the fiasco with Ben Giddion arriving on the scene, wanting to take her home to _daddy_ and Mossad. If he could have shot the bastard, he would have. There had been no conceivable way in which he would have allowed them take Ziva from him, again. She had her place, and it was right there with him.

Somehow, she had returned to them, altered by her experiences in that hellhole. He remembers the protective instincts he fought, the constant need that overcame him, wanting to know where she was, and whom she was with. He had known that she had needed time to recover, to find herself, and he had given her as much space as he felt comfortable with, without smothering her. His banter had held less of a sting at first, wanting to draw her out, but soon enough she had been willing, and capable, of tossing things back at him, with her brutal honesty and precision.

If only he could figure out what happened after Paris? What had gone wrong since then, or why she is so distant towards him at the moment? His need and desire for her was still there, he doubts it had ever lessened… He knew how to treat a woman how to sweep them off their feet, he was a DiNozzo after all. If need be, he could make her fall in love with him… and starting tonight, he was going to pull out all the stops. Who says he needs his memory?

Tony had nearly cheered in relief when Ziva phoned him just after seven, and told him she was on her way with pizza and that he would need to pick a movie. She arrived a little before eight, bearing his favourite pepperoni, sausage and extra cheese pizza, with some falafel for herself. When he offered her beer, she chided him that he was on medication and should not consume alcohol, then produced some soda.

'You cleaned ' she observed as they made their way over to the couch, noticing that the layer of dust, having been evident earlier, had disappeared.

'Yeah I didn't have anything better to do,' Tony relented placing the pizza box on the coffee table.

'You should have rested,' she chided in response before sitting down on the couch with her carrier bag,

'I have the whole night to sleep,' he flippantly returned, before glancing into her carrier bag. 'Ah falafel,' he said recognising her meal, 'don't know what you see in that stuff.'

'It reminds me of home,' Ziva calmly replied, having had this particular conversation with him before.

'Pizza is good, you should try it.' He invited, opening the box drawing in the aroma.

'Pizza is possibly the most non-kosher food ever invented, all that cheese and meat thrown together.' Ziva returned frowning slightly.

Tony suddenly looked at her, 'but you do not keep kosher.'

That does not mean that I completely disregard it either, it is not as easy to keep kosher in America as it is in Israel. Your culture likes adding milk and cheese to meat dishes, yes?'

'There is nothing wrong with it,' Tony returned, having picked up on her defensive tone.

'I guess it is more of a case of to each his likes,' Ziva replied opening the packaging her meal came in.

'Own, to each his own.'

'Whatever, you know what I mean.' Then a moment later she turned to look at him, 'Why is what I am eating suddenly so important?'

'I was trying to make conversation,' he replied, before getting up to slip the movie into the player.

'When have we ever needed to have a conversation?' Ziva was quick to return, looking at him slightly perplexed.

'I just thought it would be nicer than us constantly bantering.' Tony replied carefully getting up again.

His words caused her to tilt her head slightly in question, 'what is it Tony?' she finally asked as he turned towards her.

'What is what,' Tony was quick to throw back, slightly defensively.

'I don't know,' Tony replied, shrugging his shoulders slightly, 'maybe if we actually tried to talk we won't need to argue so much.'

'You were always afraid of change, I thought you liked things the way they were.' Ziva gently supplied, 'I like arguing with you, it is fun.' She baited him, and smiled slightly when he took it.

'Really?' Tony was quick to ask as he came to sit back on the couch again.

'Yes, who else would I have to taunt, McGee would take offence too easily, Abby would take it personally if it came from me, and Gibbs… I cannot even imagine that happening.' Ziva sincerely replied.

'True,' Tony said reaching for the remote.

'What are we watching?' Ziva asked as she settled back into the couch.

'Definitely, Maybe,' Tony replied, and then continued at her look of disbelief, 'I don't recall seeing it.'

'Possibly because your attention would have been focused on the women you were with at the time,' Ziva jostled him.

'Are you speaking from experience Miss David?' Tony was quick to return.

'No,' Ziva drew out the word, almost wanting to tease him, then continued, 'however I know you.'

'Oh really,' he challenged her.

'Yes, now watch the movie.' She chided him in return.

About half way through the movie, Tony reached over and gripped her feet. Ziva gave a moment's resistance, until he made it clear he wanted to rub her feet, then settled back. Propping her elbow on the armrest and resting her chin in her palm she continued to watch the movie. Tony's actions soon had her in a dazed-like state of relaxation, and he couldn't help the slight smirk that crossed his lips at realizing that she was a lot more receptive towards him, that he had originally thought… His plans may just fall into place a lot sooner than he thought.

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Even this one suffered the glitch… notify of any obvious storyline errors – I'll log them with the muse. 


	3. Chapter 3

Title: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart makes. – Part 3

Genre: NCIS

Pairing: Tony and Ziva

Rating: T

Timeline: Season 9. AU. (For mprmustings – story is based around the start of season nine – so Ziva is still "seeing" Ray)

Spoilers: ugh, where to start? Ah, well, anything missy felt like throwing in, in her vaguely amusing way.

Summery: See part one.

Disclaimer: Hmm, who do they belong to again? Oh yes, powerful people who put an end to good TV shows… Sorry, I'm still bitter about CSI:MIAMI – they could much rather have bagged New York. (That would not have ticked off missy.)

A/N: I'm not really all too happy with this one, but then it is a filler chapter… so we march on.

Partially Recovered (~WRA2296): 5 April 2012

Expanded and Edited: Late May 2012

Word Count: 1,685

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'Heya doc.' Gibbs announced his entry into the morgue.

'Jethro,' Ducky replied slightly taken aback, 'I have no findings for you, so I take it your visit is more of a personal nature.'

'DiNozzo.' Gibbs proclaimed coming to a halt near Ducky's desk.

'Ah yes Anthony,' Ducky said, Reaching down to the lower drawer of his desk and extracting the bottle. Sitting upright, he indicated to Gibbs to collect them each a glass.

'I'm worried about him.' Gibbs stated whilst handing Ducky the two glasses, then sitting down.

'An just what is it that concerns you?' Ducky calmly asked whilst unscrewing the bottle cap.

'The neurologist said his memories should be back by now. It's been three weeks already.' Gibbs started, as Ducky poured them each a measure of bourbon.

'We both know how reluctant Tony can be to accept things he does not want to.' Ducky replied, before handing Gibbs his glass.

'Meaning?' Gibbs was quick to return, taking the class from Ducky and taking a sip.

'I concur with the specialist that Tony is in some way blocking his memories from returning.' Ducky started whilst returning the cap to the bottle and placing the bottle back in the drawer. 'He is for some reason reluctant to acknowledge them.' Ducky concluded before taking a sip from his glass.

'But why?' Gibbs was quick to question, 'There were no real traumatic events directly involving him for months after that period.'

'You mean none more than usual,' Ducky corrected.

'I could understand if he blocked his memories pre-Somalia. It was a difficult time for all of us. But around their trip to Paris; it does not make sense to me.' Gibbs reasoned.

'I'm afraid that is a question only Tony could answer. We know EJ was also injured on the scene Tony was shot, and we have still not determined whether she is alive. He could be blocking that out.' Ducky thoughtfully returned.

'But that is no more than six months of his life, why go back two years?' Gibbs insisted, and then took another sip of his drink.

'That, only Tony could answer you.' Ducky calmly replied. 'He is somehow at ease with the current set of memories. They provide him with some sense of solace, stability even. I'm not certain as to what could have happened after them, but there is something there that he is not willing to face.'

'He's wearing Ziva down.' Gibbs was quick to point out.

'Ah yes Ziva.' Ducky returned knowingly. 'As always, she had remained tolerant of him and as of late has tried her utmost to fend off his advances. It has almost been heartbreaking at times to watch.'

'It's only a matter of time before she buckles.' Gibbs returned before taking a sip of his glass.

'But their attraction is not something that is unfamiliar to us, and she is involved so to speak.' Ducky calmly returned.

'She has loved him for too long already to allow the opportunity to totally slip her by, even with his compromised memory, she has started to yield… and DiNozzo knows this.'

'Are you more concerned for the effect a relationship between them could have on the team, or what it will cause between them?' Ducky calmly asked leaning back slightly in his chair to observe Gibbs.

'If it does not work out for them Ducky, DiNozzo can leave the team. We both know she's one of the reasons why he has remained with the team. A fallout between them could just be what he needs to move on up.' Gibbs calmly replied.

'So you will waiver rue twelve for them?' Ducky asked slightly disbelieving.

'Theirs is not a temporary attraction Ducky, four years ago I saw it differently.' Gibbs relented.

'Their partnership has survived numerous rocky paths, however do you really feel that the two of them could make it work?' Ducky asked

'I don't know Doc you're the shrink.' Gibbs was quick to reply before draining his glass.

'Ah, but matters of the heart does not always follow logic.' Ducky countered.

'If they can't make it together, I doubt there's likely to be another partner for either of them.' Gibbs honestly returned. 'They have too much invested in each other.'

'Well the way I look at it, there is little we can do in the matter. Ziva might be steadfast enough to resist his advances until his memory returns. She is not blind to his faults.' Ducky reasoned, then drained his own glass and sat forward to place it on his desk.

'And what if they don't?' Gibbs questioned after a short silence.

'They don't what?' Ducky asked for a moment confused.

'His memories, what if they don't come back?'

'All we can do is sit it out, there are drugs we could use if it really becomes a problem, however I have a suspicion that his reluctance to remember things is in some way tied to her.'

Ducky reasoned.

Gibbs just looked at him.

'Unfortunately our options are limited at the moment Jethro, we will have to sit it out, and do whatever damage control is needed.' Duck finally proclaimed.

'That is what I am afraid of, he's like a ticking time bomb at the moment.' Gibbs added, his voice conveying some of his frustration.

'You know I still see you sending the two of them off to Paris like that as meddling. Were you hoping that they would find each other like you and Jenny had?' Ducky questioned.

Gibbs just remained silent for a while before answering 'Jenny and I had less baggage.'

'There might have been less baggage, but the attraction was similar.' Ducky professed.

His answer merely had Gibbs glower at him.

'You realize that one day they are going to see past that façade of yours, and realize that you are in actual fact a romantic at heart.' Ducky declared.

'Much good it has done me.' Gibbs dryly returned, rising from his chair.

On the other side of town.

Ziva came to a stand still before Tony's door, drawing in a deep breath and bracing herself for the evening. It was the forth time in two weeks that he had invited her over for a movie night. And every time she had intended to turn him down – at least until his memory returned and he realized why they did not do things like this anymore – however, every time she had found herself giving way to his invitation, because in some canny way he would realize that she was about to reject him or refuse him, and he would turn those begging eyes of his on her and she's never been able to say no to them. In some deeply fulfilling way, it was nice to have him chasing after her, for him to actually actively seek out her company. Although their evenings thus far have not been anything over the top, the time they spent together was what she treasured most. She did not want to be the one to tell him about Ray and EJ and the whole complex mess that represented their partnership, for she knew it would ruin what was happening between them, and as much as she knew she would have to tread lightly, her heart would not be appeased, she wanted this with him.

She knocked on the door and heard his muffled 'It's open Ziva' from inside. Opening the door, she stepped inside and caught her breath at the sight before her, and immediately understood why he had told her not to bother with bringing any snacks.

'Hey,' Tony casually greeted. 'Come sit down.' he invited holding out a chair for her.

Ziva took her place at the formally set up table, picking up the single rose that lay in front of her. 'What is this, Tony?' She asked indicating to the table.

'A nice quiet dinner.' Tony was quick to answer, lightly brushing her shoulder before stepping back. Ziva's breath caught momentarily at his touch, the area immediately radiating heat.

'With candles and roses?' Ziva returned disbelievingly.

'You don't like them?' Tony was quick to ask.

'No it's just… Tony.' She lifted her hands in an attempt to explain.

'I know you said I should wait until I get my memory back, but just kick back for once Ziva and simply enjoy the evening.' Tony replied, obviously having prepared for her rebuke.

'Okay.' Ziva returned slightly doubtful.

'Would you like some wine?' Tony offered.

'That would be nice.' Ziva politely returned.

Tony placed the glass before her.

'So what are we having for dinner?' Ziva asked having taken a sip of the wine.

'I made us a vegetable lasagne, only because I know you don't like mixing milk meat and cheese.

'You cooked?' Ziva returned in surprise. 'This should be interesting.'

'I can cook.' Tony was quick to defend. Although I did buy the tiramisu, I did not have enough time to prepare it.'

'For starters we're having bean soup with kite bread.'

Ziva looked at him in surprise. 'Where did you find kite bread?'

'There is this little bakery down the road; I asked the owners if he knew where I could get some. And he told me they make it on Fridays and that he'd keep one for me.'

'I would have expected something more exotic form you for starters,' Ziva returned.

'I know you don't actually eat shellfish.' Tony returned.

'How did you know that?' Ziva asked in surprise.

'I read somewhere they are consider non-kosher.' Tony returned stepping into the kitchen.

'Oh.' Ziva returned softly under her breath.

'Here we go,' Tony said placing a bowl of soup in front of her and another for him, then returning to the kitchen for the bread and his own wine.

Ziva smiled at him slightly as he sat down with her and then reached over to bread a piece from the bread, dipping it in the soup before tasting it. 'This is good' she replied approvingly.

'Glad you like it.' Tony returned following her lead and also breaking off a piece of the bread.

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And before anyone jumps on their soapbox about the shellfish; go read Leviticus 11 verses 9-13. Shellfish in all its variants is considered non-kosher.


	4. Chapter 4

Title: A Dream Is A Wish Your Heart Makes – Chapter 4.

Genre: NCIS

Pairing: Tony and Ziva

Rating: M – It was gonna happen at some stage, so don't feign surprise.

Timeline: Season 9. AU.

Spoilers: Everything is game up until season ten.

Summery: See Chapter One.

Disclaimer: "Just smile and wave boys, smile and wave." – Penguins in Madagascar.

A/N: Not all is as it seems… but Tony's memory loss is real.

Written: October 2011 – Yeah I know, I had to dust it off first as it was written with the first chapter… Missy jumped the gun, a bit.

Warning: This is a bit more depictive than usual for me – so its definitely not work safe – Missy was feeling audacious…

Revised: June 2012

Word Count: 3,960

Lyrics: When You Love Someone by Bryan Adams (at the end)

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Two weeks later Tony and Ziva were once again seated at opposing ends of her couch. Ziva's feet took up their usual place on his lap as he intuitively rubbed them whilst watching a movie. Their recently closed case had been a trying one, and both of them had been in need of some downtime. They were about half way through the movie when his gaze fell on her again.

For weeks already she has blocked his attempts to move their relationship forward, and on most nights, he had returned home feeling both frustrated and unavoidably aroused. He had recently managed to get her as far as to allow him to kiss her goodnight. However, every time he tried to make more of it, she would halt him dead in his tracks. Her insistence and persistence that they wait for his memory to return caused him considerable concern, almost as if there was some vital part of information she was unwilling to let him in on. That something had happened between them… something that bought what they now shared into jeopardy. As much as he wanted to comply with her request, he just had this overwhelming need to make love to her – not in the it would be nice kind of way, but in a sense that the desire permeated from his soul. It was a bone deep need that only she could fulfil.

He has felt her response to him, to his touch, however she was withholding from him, resisting it at the same time. He knew that the reason for it lay within their shared history, a history he was, it seemed, incapable of remembering. He knew that until it was cleared, there would be no way she would cave in. Drawing in a deep breath, he set her feet aside. He needed to remember what it was that was holding her back, because he doubted he could longer continue with things as they were.

He wants her, all of her, and could no longer stand her withholding anything from him. It seemed that whenever either of them withheld something, they always ended up fighting or separated by some cruel twist of fate.

_Or there's someone else in her life. _Tony discarded that thought almost immediately. _We spent most of our time together, both at work and in the evenings, there's just no way Ziva could be seeing anyone without me knowing about it. _

Feeling decidedly frustrated with their situation Tony suddenly stood, intending to leave. Although Ziva had at times relented, and allowed him to hold her for hours on end, his current level of frustration and the direction his thoughts seemed intent to take, when coupled with his desire to simply throw caution to the wind and push her until she finally yields to him, he thought it best to leave. For "Ninja-Ziva" would surely kick his ass if he even tried it.

Ziva looked up at him and could feel the frown forming on her brow at his sudden and unexplainable behaviour. Thinking that the inevitable had occurred, that his memories had started seeping through again – his specialist having forewarned her that it could happen at anytime, or that they could remain locked in his mind indefinitely. She drew in a deep breath and made to stand up as well. She had known that the their evenings spent together would come to an end at some stage, that he would come to realize that they did not do this type of thing. That knowledge alone cut her deeper than she was willing to admit, having once before suffered a similar fate with him. For some unknown reason it seemed that whenever it came to her and Tony, they were destined to hurt each other – even if unwittingly. The last few weeks had only served as a means for her to fall even deeper in love with him. He had bestowed her the attention she had for so long sought of him, had dreamed of having.

She rose from her seat, not needing him to explain the sudden sense of agitation she could sense coming from him. She felt her heart break a little, and was only thankful that she had not given in to him, allowed for him make love to her. For she knew it would have crippled her this time. She could cope with the consequences of this, of what she had permitted, she could still put her heart back together, somehow.

Tony watched as she rose from the coach, knowing that she could read him like no other has ever been able to. His hands clasped into fists, knowing what he wanted to do, however knowing that she would not allow it yet. And if anything, Ziva was steadfast when it came to them. It scarred him to think that she could remain as in control, where he felt like his had long since spiralled out of control. He watched her approach him, and saw a sense of uncertainty in her eyes. He had lately been privy to so many of her emotions, even those he had never before been allowed to see, and up until then, uncertainty as not one that often occurred when they were together. He relented to the urge, the need he felt for her as she came to a halt in front of him, by simply reaching out to her, cradling her head between his hands and drawing her closer to him. His lips closed over hers in a passion filled kiss, conveying the deep-seated need he had for her. Drawing back slightly to gauge her response, he noted the sudden change in her eyes, their darkening, causing him too pull her closer for another kiss, knowing that there was just no other way he could convey what he wanted and needed then. His body was fully aroused in seconds flat, its need for her overwhelming.

Ziva, stunned by his actions, nevertheless responded to his soul deep kiss, feeling his desire for her right down to her bones. It was one she had been trying to contain for so long already, that it took very little for her own desire to rage through her. Within seconds, any attempt at coherent though seemed impossible as his lips coaxed soft moans from her, causing shivers of anticipation to seep down her spine. Her body softened and warmed in response to his unspoken need. Without thought, she drew him with her to her bedroom. Their passage almost surreal in it smoothness, marked with sporadic kisses as if knowing that what followed need not to be rushed. Their clothes dropped from their bodies as if orchestrated whilst Tony continued to loose himself in the taste of her. Unwilling to relent her lips for even a moment as they moved to the bed, simply following each other. Tony then understood why Ziva had been as reluctant of his past advances, if what he as experiencing then was any indication of how things were between them. There was jostle for dominance as he somehow expected they would have, just the simple acceptance of his body coming to rest over hers. As their skins made full contact, he continued to concentrate on drawing as many kisses from her as he could, needing to communicate the intense desire he felt for her. There was no awkward movement or readjustments that needed to be made as their bodies come to rest together. Tony's hips adulated against her, rubbing himself between her folds, covering himself in her warm arousal, all the whilst devouring her mouth.

Ziva felt his subtle movements between her legs, felt him rub himself like an exited teenager then changed slightly. Her body was warm, awaiting his possession as she lost herself in his kisses, the absolute need for her they conveyed. She felt him reach down between them, lifting slightly off her as he took hold of himself, moving to tease her slightly with his tip before nudging it into her entrance casing her eyes to close in anticipation of what was to follow. His hand moved to her hip as he slowly pressed forward and into her, filling her. She will never forget the sensations that coursed over her body as he finally filled her. She had known that he was well endowed, having felt him before, but the way he filled and stretched her was beyond comparison. The sense of fullness she experienced when he came to rest inside her caused her to run her hands along his back, before tilting her pelvis slight to ensure that he was as beep inside her as he could possibly get. A pleasure filled sigh escaped her lips on his entry, whilst his hand started ran possessively up her side. He continued to kiss her deeply.

The almost whimper like sounds that had had escaped his lips on entering her, still lingering in her memory as he drew back from her, only to push forward again. The sensation of his re-entry caused her head to drop back, breaking their kiss, as a moan escaped her lips. The sensation of him moving within her were indescribable.

Tony closed his eyes for a moment as her soft liquid warmth closed over him again, cradling him in the most indescribable heat and softness, holding him tightly, safely. The snug warmth causing gooseflesh to erupt over his skin as he once again settled deep within her. Taking moment to gather himself, he repeated the movement and allowed the sensations to course over his body.

'How could I forget this?' He gasped his thoughts aloud. Unable to comprehend how he could forget what heaven felt like.

His words caused Ziva to jolt suddenly, stiffening slightly under him. Looking down at her, uncertain of her response, he saw her pinch her eyes shut, a small frown formed between them as she worried her upper lip with her teeth, obviously trying to contain some inner turmoil.

Tony lifted off her slightly and watched her reactions closely. Recognising them as those she used when trying to back-pedal from a situation, whilst fighting to contain her emotions. Their presence caused for him to think back over the last few weeks, analysing her actions and persistence. Suddenly leading him to draw a startling conclusion.

'Ziva, it's our first time isn't it?' Tony asked softly, suddenly understanding her instance that they were to wait for him to regain his memory. Also because he knew that he would never forget something as miraculous as what he felt between them then. He watched her swallow repeatedly, and saw the traces of a tear form in the corner of her one eye as she took a deep breath.

Ziva found herself clutching at straws, especially since he had realized that this was not something they did, no matter how much they desired it. It was something they did not indulge in. She steered herself for his withdrawal, and the inevitable awkwardness that would follow it.

'Ziva?' Tony questioned, holding his body as still as possible, watching her as she finally nodded her head slightly in acquiesce. Closing his eyes for a moment, an inexplicable sense of relief flooded him. Thanking the gods that he was not so screwed up that he would forget something so extraordinary beautiful as being with her. Carefully he soothed the stray tendrils from her face, silently willing her to look at him, 'Ziva.' He finally breathed, when the tenseness in her body remained.

Carefully Ziva opened her eyes, hoping that she could keep it together, that she would not end up begging for him just to give her this, even if only for the memory of it.

'Do you want to?' He whispered, almost as if he was incapable of speaking the words for fear of her answer.

'Tony,' Ziva started her reply but her voice broke. She had planned some teasing retort about him being naked in her bed, still inside her. However, she could not find it in her to say the words, her struggle to hold it together prevented her from voicing them.

Tony heard the emotion behind his name, and dropped his forehead to rest against hers, 'Good, because I don't think I could stop now.' He decreed, his voice once again husky with desire. Sending heat flushing across her body, causing her to momentarily tighten her core muscles around. Her action drew a gasp from him before he once again closed the distance between them, claiming possession of her lips, effectively conveying his need for her.

Ziva's body instantly relaxed under his, as she allowed him to catapult her senses onto another plain, effectively losing herself in his kiss. Carefully Tony started moving inside her again. Every thrust was punctuated by a kiss as he lost himself to the sensations their coming together created.

For a period of time, the air around them was filled with the gasps and moans of two lovers moving together in complete abandon to the world around them.

Ziva felt her body start to tighten, and his immediate response to it, elevating his pace to push her closer to her release. She started to claw at him as the sensations his movements deep within her depths heated her body's response to his. Causing it to firmly close round him, and then there was nothing but an intense heat that flashed across her body as it tightened and convulsed around his. White flashes flashed behind her eyes, drawing indistinguishable words from her as intensely pleasurable pulses coursed over her body.

Her body had not even fully come down yet when she felt him pull from her suddenly, causing her eyes to flash open. For the first time in her life, she understood why her culture had an aversion to coitus interruptus. She felt cheated somehow, could see why they believed it to be destructive. She sought him, gripping at his hips. Wanting, no needing him to find his release inside her.

Her eyes locked with his as his forehead came to rest against hers. He was breathing hard whilst his body remained taught. She was just about to say something, when he stopped her outright, closing the distance between them as he took possession of her lips, kissing her deeply before moving down to her chin and neck. His hands already moving over her body, lulling her disquiet as the after effects of her orgasm settled over her. Within moments she understood what he was doing – that he was not done with her yet.

Tony pulled back slightly, tracing his fingers over her body. It was not what he had planned for their first time, always having vowed that he would drive the memory of any other man from her, were he ever given the opportunity. As deep and meaningful as their coming together had been, he wanted to give her more. His body strongly objected his decision, having been at the point of release when he had withdrawn. The sudden change in temperature around him, drew him back faster than even a thought of Gibbs walking in on them ever could.

His hand settled over her breasts as he gently rubbed the tips with his palms, knowing that she would be overly sensitive after her release. The tips hardened more at his stimulation, his action drawing a lazy smile from her lips. Unhurriedly moving down, he mouthed her one breast, trying to draw as much of it into his mouth as he could before nuzzling it. He then drew the nipple into his mouth, and gently suckled it before striking the tip repeatedly with his tongue. Finally biting down on it slightly, causing her to moan in response.

Ziva's hand came to rest on his head. Her fingers treading through his slightly longer than usual hair, causing him to turn his head and kiss her wrist in acknowledgement of the touch. He changed breasts in order to bestow the other with similar attention, whilst Ziva's hand gently traced a line from his head along his neck and shoulder. Her foot moving to brush against his calve.

Moving slightly Tony placed a kiss over her heart. Looking up at her, he saw a deep-seated fondness for him within her eyes, and continued his trail down her body. His hands tracing along her hips and outer thighs as he continued to place kisses along her skin. Her hand for a moment rested on his cheek. Reaching for it, he clasped it gently and kissed the palm, moving to her wrist and then along her arm before letting it go again.

Adjusting his body slightly, he drew back from her. Sitting up, he looked down at her, drawing in the sight of her so completely open to him. Carefully he placed his hands on her thighs, running them up and down as their eyes once again locked. His touch was firm, stroking her skin in massage like strokes - strong on the upwards strokes, soothing on the downward.

He moved his hands to the insides of her thighs, encouraging her to open them up even more, his thumbs stroking he skin lightly where her hip and leg joined.

Ziva simply broke eye contact then, her eyes fluttered shut and her body responded to his request, opening herself fully to him as she allowed the sensations his touch provoked to flow over her.

Tony's gaze dropped down to her, his hands halting slightly as he took in the sight of her swollen lips, knowing what it felt like to be lured past them, that their swollen state was due to his pervious movements between them. He carefully traced the soft skin next to them with his thumbs. He felt his own body's sudden pulse at the remembrance of what lay beyond them, what it had felt like to be lured beyond them. Carefully he traced his fingers over her, his touch feather light, almost ghostlike. Movement from Ziva drew his attention from where his fingers were tracing as her, he watched as she lay before him with one arm over her head, the other having dropped to the bed. Her thighs were open and relaxed, allowing his any and all access to her. Gently he placing kisses along her abdomen, his hands smoothing over the caramel skin as he slowly moved down, drawing in her scent as he approached her core. Placing kisses along the sides of her lips, he drew them into his mouth, sucking on them slightly, allowing his fingers up to trace along her folds. His touch was firmer than the initial ghostlike traces, as he tracing around her lips in a figure of eight pattern. He drew her clit out of its covering with his tongue and struck it lightly with his tongue, drawing a gasp from her before pushing his tongue firmly against it and massaging it with wavelike motions. Ziva's hands flew down to grip his head, holding it in place as a groan escaped her lips. His fingers teased her but did not enter. He felt his body pulse again with renewed desire, as her fingers grabbed at his hair. He reached up with his one hand reached to cup her breast, before pinching her nipple and casing her to buck up against him.

Tony lifted his head for a moment, when his eyes once again locked with hers. The desire contained within hers drew him up to her, needing to kiss her again. His body quickly settled over hers again, and her legs moved to wrap around him. He once again rubbed himself in her folds, wanting to cover himself in her arousal. He once again pulled back to allow the head of his cock to nudge against her, until it found her folds. This time he sank into her, needing little guidance as their bodies once again meshed together. The action drawing gasps from both of them as he once again settled within her. However, this time he only remained there for a moment before the desire to move within her took hold. Ziva knew she was too far-gone to climax again, her body still to languid from her first shattering one, however she welcomed the pleasurable pulses his movement inside her caused.

Tony's movements were strong, drawing gasps from her whist his hand moved down her side, possessively holding her closer to him, conveying his need of her almost as vehemently as his movements inside her did.

'Ziva.' Tony gasped, as his hand moved under her, pulling her closer to him and hollowing her back. The subtle change in position caused a myriad of sensations to course over her body.

'Yes,' She gaped in response

'Tell me… tell me what it feels like. What we feel like.' Tony asked between thrusts.

Ziva tried to form a coherent sentence, tried putting to words what sensations his loving created, knowing he needed some form of conformation from her.

'I can't.' She finally gasped between thrusts. 'Too good.'

'Warm, soft, ugh.' Tony gasped as he continued the push into her. Fighting his need to release. Wanting to wait for her. He eventually moved his legs slightly, pushing her thighs up as he changed position, lifting his weight off her slightly. His penetration shallower, allowing him to ease off slightly whilst edging her on. Stealing sporadic kisses, his one hand snuck between them, his palm rubbing above her apex.

'Feel me there Ziva.' he grunted as he continued to move. His touch was firm, before his thumb moved down to rub her clit. Within moments her body stiffened, Ziva has never known an orgasm to come on as fast. Her reaction caused him to jerk against her, his legs shooting straight as their bodes once again came into full contact. Ziva started clawing at his back, the sensations once again building inside her.

'That's it love, cum for me. Let me hear.' Tony encouraged her, just before everything blacked out and she was once again wrapped in intense sensations, her body pulsating around his as she relented to his request of letting him hear.

Tony rode out her orgasm, and just as she came down he felt his body tighten. 'Gonna cum.' He gasped, then felt her hands sinking into his ass, holding him in place. He knew it would have taken a stronger man than him to pull back again. His need was more pressing than his desire to give her another. To hear her again. His entire body tightened as the pulses overcame him and his body let go. Erupting deep inside her. What he bellowed at that moment was lost to him, as his body started to quiver with the intensity of it.

He held onto her as the after effects of his release rippled over him, and felt her arms close protectively around him. It took a while for him to return to himself, as he chose to simply basking in the afterglow of their loving.

Ziva closed her eyes as she held him to her. A deep-seated satisfaction settled over, one more profound that ether of the orgasms she had experienced. It was a sensation that came only from the knowledge that the man you loved, deeply and utterly, could completely loose himself in you. Hat he found the ultimate pleasure in your body. She carefully stroked his back as the tremors moved over it, soothing them down and allowing him the time he needed to come back to her. His kiss in her neck was the first indication she received that he was returning. She then felt him pull her along as he rolled them, dragging her with him as he settled on his back.

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When you love someone – you sacrifice.

Give it everything you've got, and you won't think twice.

You risk it all, no matter what may come, when you love someone.

You'll shoot moon, put out the sun – when you love someone.

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If you're one for happy endings… best stop now.

Because from here on in, it's a roller coaster.


	5. Chapter 5

Title: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes – Chapter 5  
>Genre: NCIS – RomanceAngst  
>Pairing: Tony and Ziva<br>Rating: M, more for language and situations  
>Timeline: Season 9. AU – seriously now, the timeline for season nine went for a loop here.<br>Spoilers: Some, vaguely – you know, Missy's speciality.  
>Summery: See Chapter one.<br>Disclaimer: If only (sorry no originality this month).  
>AN: Missy has for safety purposes been moved to an undisclosed location, with a lead-lined bomb shelter – Just in case some of Ziva's fans have "Contacts".  
>Outline: November 2011<br>Expanded: June-July 2012.  
>Warning: Heed the warning in the previous chapter – Things get rough here.<br>Word Count: 2,467

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During the first week that followed, Ziva was extremely cautious, not quite capable of believing what was happening. Somehow expecting his frat-boy persona to return, however he remained an absolute gentleman, both in and out of the bedroom. By the second week, when it was evident that he had not regained his memory, she came to accept things as they were, knowing that Tony would have long since slipped his mask if he had regained his memory. He spent nearly every waking, and most of his sleeping hours, with her, and whatever expectations she could have had of Tony in a relationship, they were far removed from those she experienced. Leaving her to question as to the reason why she had wanted to resist him in the first place.

It was during their third week together, that Ray once again established contact. On receiving his first email Ziva glanced across the bullpen, her heart beating erratically in her chest, knowing that the decision to end things with him was made before she had allowed Tony to make love to her, that in her heart their relationship had ended not long after he had left. However Ray did not know that, and she was willing to honour his request to see her when he came to DC. If only to tell him that things between them were through.

She looked at Tony, drawing in deep breath, he was still unawares of her relationship status with Ray, and once she managed to get this slight bump out of the way before he regained his memory, she would be able to tell him that her and Ray were through. She would then only have to deal with EJ, that is if the woman did not show up before then. Having come to a decision, she arranged with Ray to meet her for lunch when he arrived, knowing that way he would be unlikely to cause a scene.

This was how they came to be in the bullpen, when the security guard escorted Ray into the squad room. Tony having just returned from seeing Abby, his mind partially focused on the sheet of paper she had given him. He stepped behind his desk before looking up to see Ziva's visitor and without thought chirped, 'well if it isn't CIRay.' Only to instantly jerk to a complete standstill, his body immediately tensed. His gaze instantaneously moved towards Ziva, who was looking at him with stunned expression, her eyes bulging in shock.

Tony looked from her to Ray, before indicating with his hand between them. Ziva watched the change in his eyes, and how he started to shift uncomfortably on his feet, before stating 'Excuse me,' and made for the elevator.

'Tony, wait!' Ziva called after him, stepping round her desk.

'What's up with him?' Ray asked, as Ziva set off after Tony.

Just then Gibbs walked in with his coffee, he glanced at Ziva as she hurriedly passed him. 'DiNozzo?' he asked firmly.

'It's happened.' Was all she said in passing, causing Gibbs to turn and look after her as she tried to catch up with Tony.

Gibbs turned back to the bullpen only to come face to face with a stunned Ray, who clearly had no idea as to what had just happened. Gibbs just looked at the man.

'What's going on.' Ray demanded looking past Gibbs for a moment.

'Not your business.' Gibbs firmly stated as he stepped past the man, towards his desk. Lifting his phone, he dialled an extension number and waited for the person on the other end to answer. 'Abbs, it's happened. He's either on his way to you or Ducky.'

'What triggered it?' Abby's quickly returned, her voice conveying her concern.

Gibbs looked at the man that looked at him in expectation of answers, before answering her question. 'Ray.'

'How?' She immediately asked.

'Later Abbs.' Gibbs replied.

He had not even finished when Abby suddenly spoke up, 'He's just passed, think it's ducky he's going for.'

'Okay thanks.' Gibbs said, ending the call, turning his attention towards Ray, who had obviously been eavesdropping.

'I want to know what is going on, now.' Ray demanded.

'My advice.' Gibbs started, calmly. 'Let her go.' Ray looked at Gibbs, and was just about to speak up when Gibbs interceded. 'You're hardly around, hardly even reacted when she was abducted. She deserves more than that.'

'What is between me and Ziva is between me and Ziva.' Ray professed.

'Not when it interferes with _my_ team.' Gibbs resolutely countered, causing ray to look at him in shock.

Tony strode into the morgue, disenchanted, frustrated and utterly confused. Just as Ducky turned to look at his unexpected visitor, Ziva entered behind him, the looks on both their faces was enough for the elderly ME to know that what was about to follow, would not be nice.

'Tony!' Ziva firmly called his attention.

'Get away from me!' Tony exclaimed, turning about to face her, his entire body rigid.

'It's not what you think –' She started, only to be cut off by him.

'Oh it's not, then what is it?' He heatedly demanded. 'Because at this moment in time I have no idea what I should be thinking –' he started raising his hands slightly to indicate his loss of direction, before being cut off by Ducky. '

I'm going to leave you two to sort this out.' Ducky calmly said as he made for the doorway, causing both Tony and Ziva to watch his exit, before turning their attention to the other.

'I can explain.' Ziva started, swallowing against the lump that had suddenly formed in her throat.

'Well it had better be a good, because that man as good as asked you to marry him.' Tony started heatedly.

'It's complicated.' Ziva returned, pressing her fingers against each other, whilst trying to for the words.

'I bet it is.' He quickly replied, 'What was I only there to keep your bed warm until lover boy returned.'

'It was not like that.' Ziva heatedly replied.

'Oh, then how was it? Because it sure as hell feels like it.' He quickly returned, his body rigid.

Ziva took a deep breath to steady her nerves, clasping her hands into fists as she fought for control, however seemed to loose the battle when she threw back. 'You would not have believed me!'

'At this moment I don't know what to believe.' He threw back within moments, 'I don't know what to think or feel Ziva.'

Ziva pinched her eyes shut, drawing in another deep breath, swallowing hard before opening her eyes to look at him. 'You, nosy DiNozzo would not have believed even two weeks ago that I had a boyfriend.' She firmly started, fighting to maintain control on her temper. 'One you did remember me having.' She added having noted his disbelieving expression. 'You would have wanted _proof._' She stressed. 'And if I failed to produce him, or any proof of his existence, you would have sheeped me about it.' Ziva insisted.

'Goaded,' Tony automatically corrected her.

'Whatever.' She heatedly threw back. 'I have not had any contact with him for almost two months now.'

'So why is he here now?' Tony demanded.

'Unlike most, I do not leave messages to end things, I am at least willing to face the person when I do.' Ziva firmly replied

'And that's why he's here?' Tony returned disbelievingly.

'Yes.' Ziva firmly replied.

'I don't believe you.' He stated outright.

'What is there not to believe?' Ziva heatedly questioned. 'Have you even thought about EJ?' At the mention of the woman's name, Ziva saw Tony freeze. 'You haven't, have you?' she continued.

'That's immaterial.' Tony quickly evaded the question, his body remaining rigid. 'We're not talking about me.'

'You two done?' Gibbs demanded from the doorway, causing both of them to look at him. 'David, gear up. We have a dead marine. DiNozzo, go see your specialist, and when your done, I want a full report on the evening you were shot.'

Ziva just nodded her head in response before answering, 'Yes Gibbs.' and stepping past him to collect her gear. Gibbs remained within the doorway for a moment, obviously waiting for Ziva to be some distance from them before speaking up. 'Before talking to her again, think of your own actions DiNozzo.' Then took his leave.

Tony closed his eyes, drawing in a deep breath before sitting down on the chair at Ducky's desk. He dropped his head into his hands and released a frustrated groan. Then breathed deeply, hoping to control the turmoil of emotions sweeping trough him. For almost three weeks, he had had everything he thought he wanted. Everything had seemed so perfect. He had Ziva, they had shared many of the most amazing moments of his life. Only for it to be slipping away…

'Oh my dear boy what have you done?' Ducky's asked as he entered the morgue, causing Tony to look up at the ME.

'I screwed up Ducky.' He answered flatly, as Ducky came to a halt at his desk. 'Where are you going?' Tony asked as he reached for his bag, preparing to leave.

'We have a case,' Ducky calmly returned.

'Oh yeah.' Tony thoughtlessly replied, before looking down at the floor in dejection.

'Go see your specialist,' Ducky encouraged, 'Or you could wait here until I return, and help with the autopsy.'

Tony lifted his head to look at the doctor, then shook his head slightly. 'I'll go talk to Abby for a bit before doing my report.' He flatly replied.

Once ducky left Tony reached for the bottom drawer extracting the bottle of bourbon he knew would be there, the pulled a glass closer and poured some in it, knowing he could get his ass busted for drinking during working hours, but he just needed something to numb what he was feeling. The liquid burned as he gulped it gown, causing him for a moment to gasp before pinching his eyes. In the last few weeks, he had not needed alcohol to dull the pain. However the empty sensation he felt in the region of his heart was one he had been avoiding for most of his life. It is the one that filled him when someone he cared for let him down. It was one he had come to associate with Ziva whenever she looked at another man. Oh god Ray, the bastard had nearly taken her from him, and there had been nothing he could do. Even his fling with EJ had not served to lessen the ache he had felt every time Ziva as much as mentioned the man's name in his presence. He groaned lowly when his head landed in his palms again. He had no idea if EJ was even alive. His head started to hurt as he tried to remember what had happened in the days before then, but his mind had seemed to be stuck on the moment between him and Ziva, just before his disappearance. His heart felt a little tighter in his chest at remembering her words, and the pencil.

Grunting slightly he got up from Ducky's chair and made for Abby's lab, then decided against it as he heard the music pouring from the speakers, knowing she was getting ready to process evidence and would not want to be disturbed. He instead returned to the bullpen and stated drafting his report on the evening his life had seemed to change.

That evening Ziva entered her apartment. Gibbs had kept her busy at the crime scene for the remainder of the afternoon, and once all the evidence was collected and logged with Abby, everyone's statements processed and the background checks completed, he had sent them home.

She walked into her kitchen with her heart feeling heavy in her shoes, she had to fight the overwhelming sense of loss that overcame her when she looked at the breakfast dishes still in the basin. Closing her eyes she tried to steady herself, thinking of how different her morning had been. They had been late, which was why the dishes were still in the basin and not washed. Tony, having been incapable of keeping his hands off her, had been insatiable. Her body tingled at the remembrance of his passion, the way his body had lain claim to hers, like it had so many times in the few weeks prior. It had been so easy to subject her to his loving, so easy to loose herself in the sensations thereof.

Swallowing against the lump that seemed to have formed in her throat she made her way to her bedroom, knowing hat she would find there. However having realized that if she harboured any hope of sleeping tonight, she would have to change the sheets, for they inescapably would smell like him, and that was a scent she was not certain she could handle at that moment. She was angry, felt confused by the situation. Unable to understand how he could even think she would cheat on him, that she would want anyone other than him. He'd been in her bed in her arms, couldn't he tell that? Hadn't he felt what she had? Every time their bodies had joined, it had been there. That intense feeling, the sensation that there was only them, only that moment, and that nothing mattered outside of that. Also that if he moved from her then, she would surly succumb of dearth.

She looked at her bed, releasing a painful sigh as she stepped closer to pull off the sheets. A vicelike sensation gripped her heart as she separated the blankets from the sheets, the swallowed as she tossed the sheets to one side, fighting against the sense of desolation that filled her. Until she clasped the grey sweatshirt still tangled within the sheet, she pulled it open, momentarily looking down at the black NCIS lettering on it, then felt the walls give way. She stumbled back slightly still holding the shirt in her hands. It was his. She knew if she held it to her nose, she would smell him. Her back hit the wall and she slid down against it, her legs suddenly incapable of bearing her weight. A moan escaped her lips as the vice around her heart suddenly encased her lungs, making it difficult to breathe. Then the tears came, unimpeded, as her head dropped to her knees and her shoulders shook slightly.

She'd known the risks, known that there would be little chance of her putting herself back together if something went wrong. It had been that exact reason why she had been so reluctant to let him in, to allow herself to feel everything for him that she had.

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Put it to Bed, Prohibited Desires and Share My Life will be updated over the weekend. I know, I'm late.


	6. Chapter 6

Title: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes – Chapter 6  
>Genre: NCIS – RomanceAngst  
>Pairing: Tony and Ziva<br>Rating: M just because Missy is unpredictable.  
>Timeline: Season 9. AU – seriously now, we break away from the show here.<br>Spoilers: Some, vaguely – you know, Missy's speciality. Slight crossover with NCIS LA.  
>Summery: See Chapter one.<br>Disclaimer: Even if they were mine, I wouldn't want this to happen to them.  
>AN: Readers will start to understand the title better now. Missy has once again decided to twist the storyline here, so it will be a while before the next update – I'm still feeling out the new storyline. Alex – the TT starts now…  
>Written: August 2012<br>Word Count: 3,154

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Ziva arrived at work the following morning, insistent on making it clear that she was okay. She stepped into the bullpen and was relieved to find Tony not there. She settled at her desk, starting up her computer and going over the evidence of the case, releasing a deep felt sigh.

McGee arrived with his backpack slung over his shoulder moments before Gibbs entered the bullpen form the other side. 'Don't get too comfortable.' Gibbs spoke up as the Tim made to place his bag on the ground.

'Boss,' Tim said looking towards him.

Gibbs looked at Ziva, tilting his head slightly, before returning his attention to McGee, 'Take Ziva and bring in the brother in law.'

'Where's Tony?' McGee was quick to ask, 'I have financials to do, can't he…' Tim left the rest unsaid as Gibbs fixed him with a glare, before continuing sheepishly, 'but they can wait.'

'Tony has a psyche-eval to pass before he's allowed in the field.' Gibbs said before picking up his phone.

McGee nodded his head as Ziva rose from her chair, grabbing to take her backpack. On righting herself her gaze locked with Gibbs's, she spoke up decorously, 'I'm fine, Gibbs.' then followed Tim out the squad room.

Gibbs made his way to the morgue, picking up a Caf-Pow for Abby along the way. Knowing she would most likely have something for him already.

He entered the morgue, 'Heya Doc.'

'Jethro, if you are here in hope of any additional findings, I'm afraid you've come knocking at wrong door, Miss Sciuto is more likely to have something for you.' Ducky started, turning from his desk.

'Not here about the case Duck.' Gibbs replied, stepping further into the morgue.

'Ah yes, yesterday's incident. How is Ziva this morning?' Ducky asked nodding his head slightly.

'Distant.' Gibbs replied coming to a halt at Ducky's desk.

'Ah yes, behavioural training, it has always been her failsafe.'

'I'm not sure if it is such a good failsafe in her case.' Gibbs replied taking the seat nearby.

'They need time,' Ducky started seriously, 'time to realize that what the other did came from their long suppressed desires. Presently they are hurting, and we know that when the heart is involved the mind does not always think clearly.' Ducky concluded looking pointedly at Gibbs.

'Yeah, but what do I do with them in the meantime Duck? It's not like it's going to be plain sailing 'till they've reached that point.'

'The only logical thing there is to do,' Ducky earnestly spoke up. 'You separate them.' Gibbs looked at Ducky in surprise, before Ducky continued. 'We both know they cannot function without the other for any extended period of time. Therefore, the most logical thing to do is to remind them of that.'

'It's a thought Duck, but which one do I move?'

'Speak to Director Vance; there should be some case Tony could be assigned to that would remove him from the team for a period of time.' Ducky started then noted Gibbs's reluctance, 'I would not suggest Ziva, she has proven in the past that she has a tendency to throw caution to the wind when emotionally strained, Tony remains cautious, his sense of self-preservation prevents him for doing anything too foolish.' Gibbs just lifted a brow at that, 'Well that is if the matter does not involve Ziva in some way.' Ducky added as an afterthought.

'He's barely recovered from the last mission. And he still has to pass his psyche-eval.' Gibbs reasoned.

'Tony can talk his way around those better than the both of us combined could.' Ducky started,' my guess is he'll be back on the team and out in the field in a matter of days. I don't see anything holding him back. Like you, he tends to bury his problems in his work, however this time it could end up causing problems.'

'That's for sure, I'll speak to Vance.' Gibbs said getting up to leave. 'I just hope they sort it out soon enough.' Gibbs said as he left.

Tony stepped off the elevator, drawing in a deep breath as he walked towards the bullpen, letting it out in relief when he noticed that Ziva was not there. However felt a small twinge in his chest, he wanted to see her, had hoped to see her, he would even go as far as saying he needed to see her. The previous week had been a continuous succession of sessions, with restrictions. The therapist had refused to clear him for work, not even paper work, possibly because he would not have heeded the restriction anyway. He had missed the team the past week, missed their company, but most of all he had missed her – her smile, her voice, her laugh, her smell… but most of all her presence in his life. He continued past the bullpen and went up the stairs to Vance's office. Lydia nodding her head to indicate that he could proceed through the door.

Tony entered the Director's Office and took the seat indicated, waiting for Director Vance to conclude his call.

'Agent DiNozzo.' Director Vance spoke up in greeting as he returned the phone to its cradle.

'Director Vance.' Tony replied in acknowledgement.

Leon picked up Tony's file that was lying before him on his desk and glanced over it. 'You will be moving teams.' The director started, and Tony felt his heart drop to his shoes, he had known what the price would be, had even been willing to take it. However, he had hoped that Gibbs would at least have had the guts to tell him himself. A cold bolt of shock shot straight through him, causing his lungs to stop functioning, he swallowed several times to try to encourage his body to function normally. 'The move is temporary,' Vance continued 'pending the outcome of the investigation.'

Tony nodded his head at that, finally managing to get some air into his lungs.

'There is an undercover operation currently under way in California.' At the words, Tony felt his heart drop once again. California was as good as half way around the world for all it mattered, even two floors down in the lab with Abby would have been too far from her. Vance started once again 'Agent Lang has requested additional backup, as both Agents Callen and Hanna are too well known to the suspects to go under cover with Agent Blye. Therefore you will be going undercover with her.'

'And Gibbs?' Tony calmly asked.

'I have cleared it with Gibbs, he agreed to it.' Vance surely replied.

Tony pursed his lips and nodded his head in acceptance.

'You'll be leaving this afternoon. You can pickup your travelling arrangements with my secretary. Take only essentials. Hetty will brief you on landing.' Vance concluded, closing the file in front of him, then rose with Tony to see him out.

Tony stepped onto the walkway, halting at the rail he looked down over the squad room, his gaze immediately moving towards Ziva's desk. His heart skipped a beat when he saw her there, busy working on her computer. He longed to go down to her, to hug her, to just to be close to her again. He gripped the rail tightly, the whites of his knuckles showing. _No! No I will not go to her. She lied to me. _He adamantly resolved_. I gave it all, my heart, my affection and she did not even have the decency to tell me that she was still involved with Ray. I would have backed off, when have I ever not backed off or put her needs first. God it was hard at times to push her away, but it was for the best. I need her. I've always needed her. She… just… ugh… why couldn't this be simpler? But no, Ziva has to have this uncanny ability to creep under my skin, to take possession of my heart, to make me feel things… things I shouldn't be feeling. And yet I want to feel them, want to share them with her, I want to go back to before Ray returned – we had it all. _

Looking down at her, he released a tired, mournful sigh. His body was weary, his couch not having offered him the solace he needed in sleep, but his bed was out of the question. Too many images assailed him there. The sheets, the room felt cold without her there. The memories of the pleasure they had shared there rendered sleep unattainable. He has lost count of the amount of times in the last week he has tried to numb the pain he felt, but even corpus amounts of alcohol could not anaesthetize the sense of pain of loss he felt…

Maybe he needed some time away from her, some time to get over this… whatever it really was.

He watched as she lifted her head, her gaze turning and lifting before it came to rest on him. For a moment, he believed he could see some dejection in her demeanour, but then took a deep breath before steeling himself, and making for the elevator – he would go see Abby instead.

Two days later, Ziva was sitting at her desk when Abby reticently entered the bullpen with a box in hand. They had closed their case, and Ziva and McGee wrapping up their paperwork, when Ziva shifted her gaze from the computer screen to the scientist who had stepped behind Tony's desk. Abby placed the box on the desktop and pulled open the first drawer.

'Abby, what are you doing?' Ziva demanded, her voice firm at first but faltering towards the end hen she saw Abby extract something from the drawer, her heart started racing at the implication, a nauseous felling settling in the pit of her stomach.

'Tony asked me to clear out his desk.' Abby nervously replied, unwilling to meet Ziva's gaze. Abby looked about nervously, her gaze moving to Gibbs's empty desk.

'Why would he do that?' Ziva quickly demanded, swallowing against the bile that suddenly seemed to creep into her throat.

'He's been posted to California,' Abby tensely replied, 'didn't he tell you?'

'No. I have not spoken or seen Tony for nearly two weeks. He did not told me that he has been transferred.' Ziva said rising from her chair, her stomach feeling queasy at that. A strong and sudden nauseous sensation overcame her, causing her to swallow repeatedly. A firm, relentless squeezing sensation settled over her heart, and her breathing became shallow. _No! He cannot leave me here, I am his partner._

'Ziva, you okay? You look ill.' Abby's choice came from a distance, causing Ziva to look at her, watching in slow motion as the goth made her way around Tony's desk. Incapable of containing the nauseous sensation that overcame her, Ziva bolted in the direction of the bathroom, barely making it to the lavatory before parting with what little food she had managed to eat that morning.

Both sleep and food had been the least of her concerns the last two weeks, she had eaten when she had remembered to. Her body was beat, sore. Her heart suddenly felt shattered. She had hoped that they could resolve what had happened, even if they could only settle as only partners. She would willingly to settle for anything, as long as he was in her life. She told herself to be thankful for the little bit that she had had, because it had been more than she had ever thought she would have. She had dreamed of it, and more, but never thought any of it would actually transpire. She took a few deep breaths before rinsing out her mouth and splashing her face with cold water.

When she returned to the bullpen, she realized that she must have lost track of time, because Abby had already packed up his desk. His computer and the equipment remained there but all of his personal effects had been removed. She moved behind her desk, repeatedly swallowing against the bile that persistently rose from her stomach. She tried not to look in the direction of his desk as she moved behind her own, only for her gaze to land on a mall pile of effects Abby must have placed on her desk. Ziva quickly brushed her hand over it, scattering the photos; then shook her head before gathering everything up and dropping it all in one of her drawers. Once done she forcefully sat down, dropping her head into her palms and breathing deeply, counting her breaths before lifting her head and clasping her hands into fists, trying to contain the scream, _how could he?_

A month passed, excruciatingly slowly, in which no one mentioned dared to mention Tony, at least not in Ziva's presence. She refrained from looking towards his desk, as best she could. No one had placed anything on it since Abby had cleared it, and no mention was made regarding his replacement.

She knew Abby would have contact with him, had even on occasion been tempted to ask Abby how he was doing, where he was, or if he was okay, however she fought the urge.

Abby stepped into the bullpen one morning, just before mid day, and halted in front of Gibbs's desk. 'I'm ready, you coming?' She chirped up. Ziva watched as Gibbs lifted his gaze to her, 'You go Abbs, you don't need me.' Gibbs deadpanned before returning his attention to the folder he was reading.

'But,' Abby started. Her utterance cased him to glance up at her for a moment, before he nonchalantly added, 'Take Ziva with you.'

Ziva could feel the frown forming on her forehead at that, and watched as Abby started signing something, immediately becoming irritated. She hated it when they did that, because she could not understand it, and in all likelihood knew they were discussing her.

Abby finally smiled and nodded her head before turning to Ziva, 'Okay Ziva, come on.'

'Where are we going?' Ziva asked as she rose from her seat.

'MTAC.' Abby answered, already making for the stairs.

Ziva followed her, even more confused than she had been. _Why would Gibbs not need to go to MTAC?_

They entered MTAC, and Ziva followed Abby down the walkway, nodding her head to the technicians in greeting.

'What are we doing?' Ziva asked as Abby came to a standstill before the big screens.

'I was sent some samples for analysis, I now have to report my findings.' Abby cheerfully replied, causing Ziva to nod her head in response. Abby then indicated to the one technician to open up the channel, and Ziva turned to look at the image of a middling brunette woman that appeared on the screen.

'Agent Blye.' Abby greeted the woman, who nodded her head in acknowledgement before speaking up, 'Miss Sciuto.'

'I have the test results -' Abby started, only to be interrupted by a familiar voice. 'Heya Abbs,' Tony said, suddenly appearing in the image next to Kenzi. Ziva felt her heart literally flip in her chest at the sound of his voice, gasping slightly when she saw him. He seemed thinner than he had the last time she had seen him, his face seemed drawn, but she also knew that the equipment could cause that appearance. She saw him start for a moment before he nodding his head slightly in greeting, 'Ziva' his voice was level, controlled.

'Tony,' she politely replied, causing Abby to look towards her for a moment.

'How's things that side?' Abby asked, looking back at the two imaged on the screen.

'They're okay,' he returned nodding his head slightly, his eyes seeming fixed in the middle of the screen.

'Could we get on with it,' Kenzi impatiently spoke up, elbowing Tony slightly, causing him to break the trans-like stare he had. 'You can catch up with your buddies after.'

Ziva could feel her hands clenching into fists at the woman's action, _I'm the only one allowed to reprimand him – other than Gibbs._

'I analysed the compound you sent me,' Abby started, 'it contained traces of aluminium and…' Abby's voice seemed to fade into the background as Ziva's gaze remained fixed on the screen in front of her, taking in the slightest of changes in him. His eyes lacked the animation they had always held when they spoke, his shoulders drooping slightly – the way they did when he was tired. She looked at the woman besides Tony, noted the ease with which she stood there, the ease with which she had reprimanded him. She also did not see him make any attempt to move from her, casing Ziva to once again swallow repeatedly. Hoping she was wrong. The woman was beautiful, in an esoteric way. She hoped that she was wrong, that he could not have moved on from her so quickly. That she at least meant more to him than that. She was pulled from her deliberation when Tony spoke up, answering Abby's question, 'She hogs the sheets and won't share.' His words sent a cold bolt of shock through Ziva's body, ad she fought hard not to stumble back and move from the screen.

'How long do you think you guys are still going to be out there?' Abby asked.

'Not for much longer, I hope. I'll kill him if we don't close this case soon.' Kenzi decisively replied, for a moment easing Ziva's discontent. _He's on assignment – undercover. _However the thought gave her little comfort, her mind drifting to her on undercover op with him. The thought caused a squeezing sensation to settle over her heart once again. _He wouldn't_.

'It's not so bad,' Tony was quick to return, shrugging his shoulders. Ziva tried to read his body language, but the slightly grainy image made the nuisances difficult to spot.

'Yeah, like you pick anything up after your ass.' Kenzi retuned, bitingly, turning towards Tony with a glare.

'How long have you two been sharing?' Abby asked. Ziva remained silent, her gaze remained fixed on the screen.

'Too long.' Kensi bit back.

'Okay we have to go, there is another call coming in.' Abby said as the technician drew their attention, then cut the feed, the test pattern appearing on the screen.

Ziva followed Abby out of MTAC, unwilling to engage in conversation with the woman as they returned to their respective workspaces, Ziva was immediately relieved to find that Gibbs was no longer there, and that McGee had obviously gone out, leaving her on her own.

She needed a few moments on her on to come to terms with what she had learnt. Releasing a sigh, she sat down on her chair. Her hand instinctively moving down to her abdomen, before she looked down at it, _I may not have gotten the entire dream, but at least I got part of it._

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Missy has been on a three-week long hiatus, so there's not much this month, I will post what is ready in the next week.

However, Jnr. is on stage for the next two weeks – every night – so don't hold your breath.

Provisional; Put It To Bed; The Kiss (new); As One Door; The Gift (new).


	7. Chapter 7

Title: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes – Chapter 7  
>Genre: NCIS – RomanceAngst  
>Pairing: Tony and Ziva<br>Rating: M – for implied content.  
>Timeline: Season 9 AU.  
>Spoilers: Some – around Season Seven.<br>Summery: See Chapter one.  
>Disclaimer: A dream is a wish, so I'll keep on dreaming and hope my wish comes true – someday. Yeah right – they're not mine and never likely to be.<br>A/N: I wasn't happy with the original version of this – hence it never got posted, so it had a complete overhaul. What can I say, when Missy gets the bit between her teeth there ain't no stopping her.  
>Written: August 2012<br>Edited: October 2012  
>Trigger: I Need You Now by Lady Antebellum. Haven't listened to it in ages, but it was just like - this is so their situation! It served as a severe kick under Missy's butt to get this done - properly.<br>Word Count: 4,192

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'You'd better get your shit together! What the hell's wrong with you?' Kensi ranted as contact was broken and the screen went blank. 'She hogs all the sheets. God we don't even share a bed!'

'Not now!' Tony lowly returned, his jaw clenching slightly.

'It's just as well the Hetty said we should go with the bickering couple routine, because there is no way we would have sold a tender and loving couple to them in the first place.' She continued, looking pointedly at him, and he knew that in all likelihood it was her own frustration getting the better of her. Neither of them had been able to relieve their pent up tensions, not that he had any interest in relieving them with anyone other than Ziva, for weeks already. And during that time he had tortured himself with memories of them, together, wanting to recall the texture of her skin, her scent, and those content little sounds she would made when he had held her, with both their bodies temporary replete. The smell of her after sex, just the thought would cause his hands to clasp into fists… 'I said, not now!' He fiercely bit back, before moving away from her, her proximity to him was undesired. He had on a few occasions looked down and felt his heart skip a beat, only to realize that she was but a sad replacement for the partner he had had, one he missed more that his flat screen TV and precious movie collection.

'And they claimed you're so good undercover.' She threw at him, and Tony fought for control, not wanting to rise to the bait. The sight of Ziva had opened up tender and hurting parts of his heart, areas he would much rather have preferred to avoid. Also he did not want to retaliate and do something he will forever regret. 'Look just back off okay, I don't pull you apart for every little thing you do or say.' He returned stepping away from her.

'God but you are cranky, how the hell does your team work with you? I would at least have thought that speaking to Abby would cheer you up, if anything you're worse.' She pushed.

His hands clasped into tight fists, and he took a deep breath before replying 'Look just get off my case.' Tony contritely replied, heading for the door, 'I'm going for a walk.' He decreed grabbing his wallet and keys.

_Oh God this hurts, seeing her hurts_, he thought as he walked along the passage. Their classy apartment was located in the nicer side of LA, not quite Beverly Hills but also not Melrose Place either. _She'd looked so radiant, and she's still pissed off, I saw her clench her hands, the way she intently looked as the screen and the way she clenched her jaw, well I didn't see that but I know her. What the hell does she have to be angry about, she's the one who lied to me, not the other way round. God I miss her, I would trade an entire month's pay just to have her here for a day, for one hour even. _

He continued down the street, oblivious of the man following him, and finally came to a halt at a bar. Looking it over her shrugged his shoulders and stepped inside. _This is as good a place as any,_ he thought, as he allowed his eyes to adjust to the dim light. Glancing over the patrons, he made his way over to the old and slightly battered wooden bar and sat down. It was not the best bar in the area, but it had alcohol, and that was what he needed, lots and lots of alcohol to anaesthetize his emotions, and to make him forget.

He was not even concerned with the fact that he had left Kensi at their apartment, that he was effectively off the grind and in all likelihood a potential target. She grated on his nerves. He'd had enough of her as well. She was irritating, demanding and at times outright disconcerting. She did not feel right next to him, like some foreign thing that tried to attach herself to him, like clingy girlfriend he could not get away from, and he hated that. He wanted to get away from her, she just did not belong with him. She could not even leave him in peace long enough to wallow in his despair, and he wanted to wallow. His heart's desire was on the other side of the country, the entire breadth of the continent lay between them, and it was fitting really. The only time she had been further from him was when she was in Somalia – dead to him. And as hard as what it had been then, this felt ten times worse. Because this time she was not gone, with so many things left unsaid and unexplored. This time she was alive and well, and he had experienced with her the things he had so often fantasized about. Groaning he dropped his head into his hands.

'What'll it be?' The bartender asked, owning a slight southern drawl, which broke though his revive.

Tony took a deep breath before righting himself. 'Beer.' He said as he reached for his wallet.

The bartender produced the beer, and he handed the man a hundred dollar bill. The bar tender looked at him in confusion before Tony replied, 'tab money.' then taking his first long draw, uncaring of the man's shocked expression, and turned to look about the bar taking another long draw.

He was about half way through his second beer when a woman sided up to him. 'Hey there, what brings you here?' She suggestively asked, causing him to turn his head slightly to look at her. He glanced her over before lifting his left hand to indicate to the ring there, simply stating, 'No thanks.'

'Well fuck you too.' The woman bit back before moving from him.

'Nice manners.' He lowly muttered, before shaking his head slightly and turning his gaze to his left hand. The ring had felt awkward the first week he had needed to wear it, like everything else around him had. In a way he was actually thankful that Hetty had insisted on them. It had been a lot easier to blow the woman off, not that she was even remotely alluring, no one was anymore. He toyed with the ring with his thumb, smiling slightly, originally it had irritated him, made him constantly aware of it on his finger, like some unwanted brand. Because the woman it symbolized was wrong, so wrong. His mind had played with the idea, the wistful thought that it was Ziva's instead. That it marked her possession of his heart, her claim to his body… and nothing had ever felt so good. The thought, just the though of her belonging to him set his heart pounding… and yet it was not foreign to him. He had been at the point of asking her before Ray had shown up. How he wished he had, and then maybe not. That is what made it so difficult, so hard, so undeniably painful.

_Ziva_ he thought as he sighed loudly, and once again lifting his beer to his lips. He had spent so many years fighting both his feelings and his attraction to her. She exerted some invisible pull on him, one that seemed impossible to break. And even if he could, he was not even sure if he wanted to. There had been so many times he had wanted to lay claim to her, experience that which he had sought, and when he'd foolishly reached for it, it had been everything he has always wanted. Always thought it would be – from his side. She had lied to him, used him; so many times, so many innuendos, just so much Ziva.

She has right to his dick, his heart and for all purposes his soul and happiness. There was no one else he wanted – needed, and when exactly that had happened, he was not certain. He had even been willing to meet his maker, happily so, out there in that desert. All because he thought she had gone, foolishly believing it would be better to meet up with her in the afterlife, even if it was hell, than to remain living without her.

He looked at the beer in his hand, before indicating for the bartender to step closer, 'Bring me a bourbon, best you got.' He asked and then waited for the bartender to pour it. If he was going to get pissed in her name, he could at least do it properly. He tried to stop his train of though, tried to pull back from the desert. There were so many thoughts, so many unwanted memories that still burdened him. Like when she had foolishly offered her own life in exchange for his. His hand tightened around the glass, was she crazy? How could she do that to him, leave him with that burden? He had only gotten her back from the dead, which had not even sunk in because it all had been some drug induced haze, and already she wanted to leave him. How dare she do something like that? Make him watch as they killed her. Slit her throat and have him watch as her life drained from her. He had seen it in his mind's eye, so many-many times. He had woken screaming from his dreams because of that. It still had the ability to twist his stomach into knots and for bile to rise into his throat, sending his heart pounding at a mile a minute.

Too much feeling, too much emotion, she was never supposed to have that much control over him, such a strong hold. He was a DiNozzo; lover of many, property of none. But god! Her, Ziva. The newer softer Ziva, the American Ziva, made him feel things. Things that made him change, so that he could be more for her, and that scared him. He knew how to treat a woman in order to get from her what he wanted. But with Ziva, for those few fleeting weeks, it had not been an act, it had been heartfelt. He had not only gone through the motions, they had genuinely meant something, because he really wanted to see her smile, wanted to make her happy… and it had blown up in his face.

He downed the remaining liquid in the glass and indicated for the bartender for a refill. Then once again wrapped his hands around the glass, staring into the bottom of it, wondering how much it would take before he would forget, when his mind would numb to the though of her, and him, not him the other him; Ray.

How he had hated the idea of her becoming an American citizen. Hated it, because it meant that he was losing his feisty Mossad, Israeli ninja; the one who would tease him mercilessly, the one that didn't make him feel things. And then right after she had finally become a citizen, she had to go and meet CIRay. He doubted there was any name on the planet he could hate more. He would shoot the bastard if he could, it would be fitting really. But then he has already been through that with her once before, and she had only been his Crazy Israeli then. He had not held her through the night, felt what it was like to move inside her. Listened to her mewls and grunts as she came closer to surrendering to the pleasure they had so ardently shared, so easily expressed. His body would stir at the slightest memory of it.

He had imagined them together, hoards of times, but it was nothing compared to the real thing. It had been intense between them, from that first time. And no matter how often they had tried to stretch it out for longer, it just never seemed long enough to satisfy either of them for any prolonged period of time. They had been insatiable, plain and simple. His head had been in the clouds, uncaring of what he could not remember. He had her, and that was all he had wanted.

Movement next to him drew his attention, and he watched as one of the cronies they had been investigating came to sit next to him, indicating for the bartender to step closer. 'What brings you here?' The beefy man asked, whilst indicating to the bartender to get him the same, 'it's not a place I'd expect to find you at.'

'They have alcohol,' Tony flatly returned, lifting his glass to his lips.

'Ah, drowning your sorrows. You and the Misses at odds again?'

Tony thought over the man's words, before nodding his head looking at the ring on his finger, snorting slightly before replying, 'When are we not?'

'What you guys fight over this time?' the man asked lifting his glass.

'It's a long story.' Tony sighed placing his glass back on the bar, turning it slightly with his fingers.

'I've got time, as long as you're buying, was wondering anyways why the two of you are together, you're total opposites.' The man asked also lowering his glass to the bar.

Tony heard the warning bells and looked at the man. He knew he was no good at lying, but bending the truth was easy, it was easier to believe because it was based on facts, and he was not certain if this was not some sort of test. They had made little headway on the case since arriving and hooking up with the men involved. Their organization seemed to operate far beyond a veil of secrecy. They trusted no one, which was why they had never been caught.

'Besides, we like to know our people.' The man added lifting his glass, asking, 'So what really brought you here?' just before he took a sip.

'A woman.' Tony flatly replied, also lifting his glass, draining the last of its contents.

'I thought we already covered that.' The man replied, indicating for the bartender to refill their glasses.

Tony sensed the pretence at comradeship, but chose to ignore it, flatly stating, 'Not that woman.' whilst waiting for the bartender to refill his glass.

'You got a bit on the side?' The man calmly asked, seemingly unperturbed. Something Tony knew they obviously indulged in, like so many people did nowadays. He just could never see himself do that to Ziva, he could not think of any woman who could lure his attention from her. As it was, the only reason he had even looked at another woman, EJ included, was because he could not have her. And now that he had, he had no desire for another, no one could evoke the emotions in him she could.

Tony turned slightly to look at the man, before pursing his lips and shaking his head, flatly stating, 'Had.'

'She's the reason you and your Misses are at odds?' The man asked lifting his glass.

'Could say that.' Tony replied, once again lifting his glass to his lips.

'Where'd you meet this other woman?' The man asked, lowering his glass.

Tony lowered his glass back to the bar, trying to remember the back story they had on him, thankful that his background corresponded, and flatly answered, 'On the job.'

'Really? Where?' The man asked, playing slightly with his glass, confirming Tony's suspicion that it was some sort of test.

He made a mental note to check his alcohol intake, already having had enough to soon enough be rendered a foggy brain. 'DC,' he flatly stated, bitterly adding, 'Her daddy's this big shot director.' Then sighed in frustration, 'He doesn't approve of me.'

'She's younger then.' The man flatly stated, lifting his glass to his lips.

Tony nodded his head, pursuing his lips some more.

'And that's why the Misses moved you out here, so you could no longer see her.' The burly man continued.

'Something like that.' Tony flatly replied.

'The misses have some kind of hold on you, because man, I would have ditched a woman like her a long time ago.' The man blabbered, and Tony could sense the man's intention to rile him, however he was unwilling to bite.

'Jenzi is possessive, and manipulative.' Tony flatly stated, 'Said she'd kill me if I did anything stupid.'

'I can believe that.' The man replied nodding his head slightly. 'She's a feisty one that.'

Tony simply nodded his head in reply.

'So why this?' The man asked indicating to the bar.

'Saw her today.' Tony replied, looking into the bottom of his glass, moving it slightly, watching the liquid within.

'What? Here?' The man asked looking about the bar.

Tony shook his head before replying, 'Skype session; had to.' before lifting his glass and draining its contents.

'And the misses found out.' The man replied, unsurprised.

Tony just nodded his head, 'walked in.' Tony closed his eyes at that, for that was how it had felt, having thought that he would only see Abbs, maybe Gibbs. But Ziva's presence in MTAC had been like a kick in the guts.

'But you guys are in this together?' The man asked, drawing his thoughts away from Ziva.

Tony nodded his head, before shrugging his shoulders slightly. 'I like money, like spending it.' he added, before turning his gaze to the man, 'So does Jenzi, we have expensive tastes.'

'Yeah, I can see that.' The man said indicating to Tony's clothes. Then extending his arm out to capture Tony's wrist, when Tony indicated to the bartender for another, and shaking his head, 'We'd better get you home to the Misses.'

Tony looked at him in surprise before shaking his head, 'Don't want to yet.'

The man looked at him for a moment before nodding his head. He then turned to the bartender and instructed, 'Call Micky to drive him home when he's done.'

'Micky?' Tony asked confused.

'He's a good kid, I'll be in touch.' The man said rising from his chair. 'Better go slow on that stuff, or the Misses will whip your ass.'

Tony just nodded his head at that, before returning his attention to the bartender and indicating to the man to refill his drink.

Two weeks later, Ziva, in search of Gibbs, stepped into MTAC. She made her way down the walkway and came to stand just off the side of Gibbs, who was in conference with Hetty.

'I'm telling you, I don't know if I should pull him. As it is, if he hadn't managed to get in with them I would have pulled them a week ago.' The woman's words caused Ziva to frown, and turn her gaze to Gibbs.

'DiNozzo has always had an uncanny way of getting things done.' Gibbs returned, unperturbed. 'It's how he gets them.'

'There's uncanny and there's outright dangerous.' Hetty returned. The woman's words caused a restricting sensation to surround Ziva's heart, tightening with every heartbeat.

'What's he doing?' Gibbs demanded in his usual brusque manner.

'He's reckless, he's dropped off the grid twice already, leaving Agent Blye at their apartment. The first time he came back intoxicated, that was just before we had the break, and the second time he was missing for nearly two days. Agent Blye has reported that he doesn't look out for himself, and will blindly walk into a situation where he then talks too much.'

'DiNozzo likes running his mouth. It's his style.' Gibbs calmly returned, 'That's why suspects never suspect him, he's too talkative, too open for an undercover cop. But when you really listen to what he says, you realize he hardly says anything incriminating.'

'Agent Byle tends to disagree, and she's had it with him, claims that even the bickering married couple cover they have can only stand up to so much.' Ziva wanted to snort at that, knowing that Tony was well capable of portraying the bickering husband – he did it most of the time a work. _Maybe your Agent Byle is not as good as you think,_ she thought, shifting her weight slightly.

'DiNozzo knows what he's doing, let go of the leash, he'll bring them home.' Gibbs calmly replied, turning his head to look at Ziva for a moment.

'You don't think I should be concerned then?' Hetty asked in return.

'DiNozzo knows when he's in too deep, he'll let you know.' Gibbs returned flatly.

'You going to recall him when he's done here?' Hetty asked, and Ziva turned her gaze to Gibbs, her heart pounding in her chest.

'It's the Director's call.' Gibbs replied flatly. 'Why do you ask?'

'He'd be useful out here.' Hetty replied. Ziva felt her heart drop at that thought, having thought that he would come back to them, to her, when he was done.

'Director Vance will give him the choice.' Gibbs concluded, a few moments later the screen went blank and the test pattern appeared.

'Ya got something for me David?' Gibbs asked, suddenly snapping Ziva back from her thoughts.

'Yes Gibbs, we managed to trace the phone calls to the victims brother in law.' Ziva quickly replied.

'Good, Take McGee and go question the man.' Gibbs returned, watching her closely.

Ziva turned to leave then hesitated for a moment, turning towards him again.

'He'll be okay, Ziver.' Gibbs lowly replied.

'I didn't ask.' Ziva returned firmly.

'But you thought it.' Gibbs firmly stated, looking pointedly at her.

Ziva just nodded her head in reply before turning from him.

'You should tell him you know,' Gibbs gently but firmly spoke up.

Ziva halted for a moment, before taking a deep breath and replying, 'It is not something one can do over the phone, Gibbs.'

'He has a right to know.' Gibbs insisted, causing Ziva to turn her head to look at him.

'Of that, I am aware.' She flatly stated, 'Whether he would want any part, is what concerns me.' she concluded before turning from him and continuing up the walkway.

That evening Ziva sat in her lounge going through the stack of photo's Abby had left on her desk. Many of the photos she never even realized had been taken, even though she too had also fooled around on scenes, taking photos of him and McGee arguing, or doing something odd. But it was the ones of them that held her attention. She missed his presence, never having realized how close they used to work together, it possibly being the reason why things felt so universally off with him not there. She had looked at her phone more than once throughout the evening, thinking, contemplating if she should call him, that they should talk things through. But so much time had already passed since they had last spoken to one another. Her hand carefully moved over her still flat abdomen, a slight smile tugging at her lips. She wanted him to be part of it, but she also knew that she had to think of their child. The baby needed stability, someone it could rely on, and she was not certain of his inability to commit, and the constant shifting of his priorities and interests was unlikely to provide that. She knew that she would not be able to handle his mood shifts anymore, the same as she would not be able to watch as he courted other women. She also had no idea if he would be the Tony she had allowed to make love to her. The one who had given her so much hope in such a short time, fulfilled so many of her desires… That was the man she needed, and she was no longer certain if he could ever be that man for her again, if that part of him had once again gone missing when his memories had retuned.

She needed someone who would be there for her, that she could depend on emotionally. She understood how he felt, the same way she had felt when she found out about Jeanne, heartbroken. Alas, they had not been sleeping together then, but it had felt like he had been cheating on her, withholding from her. And she had only done it because the doctors told her it was best for him to not have information implanted, information that could be contradictory to his own memories when they returned. But if he had not pursued her as hard, become everything she has always wanted him to be, then she would not have given in. She would not have let him…

And although she should be regretting it, she could not. What they had shared was worth every bit of anguish she might have experienced before, but she had to think of the life growing inside her, its happiness and stability. It would need her, and she had to decide what was best for her baby.

The team had taken the news well when she had told them, even Gibbs had seemed genuinely happy for her. It helped to know that they were there, that she was not alone in this. It was only his role in her life that was left to question. And in the end, she just wanted him to be happy, she was just not certain if that would be with her and their child.

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And now, the scary part – Pause for effect – Final chapter will be up soon.  
>Invest in a box of tissues so long, Missy says you'll need them.<p> 


	8. Chapter 8

Title: A Dream is a Wish Your Heart Makes – Chapter 8 - Final  
>Genre: NCIS – RomanceAngst  
>Pairing: Tony and Ziva<br>Rating: T  
>Timeline: Season 9 AU.  
>Spoilers: None I can recall.<br>Summery: See Chapter One.  
>Disclaimer: I love them, but they're not mine.<br>A/N: Nod goes to Ziva4Tony for her gentle nudge: reminding me that I still had to update this. I apologize for the delay: the proofing was shelved due to Missy being engrossed with something else… the other two I'll update through the week.  
>Written: September – October 2012<p>

Uploaded: December 2012  
>Word Count: 5,824<p>

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**Warning: sensitive readers, **

**go fetch tissues!**

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Tony stepped off the elevator and felt a serene sense of equanimity overcome him. His attachment to this building was stronger than that of his apartment: because here he had been part of something bigger, something that had meant something. He however knew that it was not the building he had missed, half as much as the people found in it; in particular the team…but mostly her.

By some unrealistic twist of fate, she has become the voice of reason in his head, and over the last few months, he had found himself more frequently seeking it out. And his inability to recently hear it: had rendered his heart heavy. His soul felt empty, like a large part of him constantly seemed missing.

He looked around him for a moment, having gotten off a floor earlier than his intended destination: he had needed to see her, needed to confirm that she was still there, that she had not gone off somewhere and gotten herself into some sort of trouble: because he was not around, and because he did not have her back.

The last few months had been torture. Kensi was a piece of work: so much so that he had felt incapable of trusting her. She had seemed too volatile, and that was what had gotten him into more arguments during the last month than it probably should have. Whereas with Ziva: there just was no question, she has always been right there, he did not even need to confirm her presence; she knew how he thought, how he reacted. They could predict each other's movements, communicate with only a glance, not needing to say a word: or constantly needing to establish who is top dog.

He turned towards the bullpen, his gaze moving over the partition, noticing Abby's animated conversation at Ziva's desk. He had not notified Abby of his imminent visit, when last they had spoken: wanting it to be a surprise for everyone. No one other than Vance, and maybe Gibbs, knew of his rendezvous. His heart sped up as he approached the bullpen, the lump in his throat swelling with every step he took, forcing him to swallow repeatedly.

Everyone around him continued with their tasks, going about their business, their day seemingly progressing as per usual: a stark contradiction as to what he was feeling, experiencing.

He once again found himself at a crossroad, not knowing which way to go. It was also the first time he did not feel capable of turning to the team to help him out, to make the decision easy. It was a realization that did not sit well with him. In the past, it had been simple. He would be where she was, that was until… no, he did not want to think of it; he had spent weeks, month's, thinking about it: how he could have done things differently, how they could have been differently, and where they could be.

As he approached the bullpen, he could see Abby rummaging through a carrier bag, before selecting something and pulling it out to show Ziva. 'And I got this for the baby too,' Abby spoke up, holding up some insanely small item of clothing from the bag, emblazoned with sculls.

'Ugh?' _Abby's pregnant?_ Tony thought. The thought for a moment stifling his stride, _And just when had that happened? Had probie managed? Or had Gibbs finally seen what has always been right there… because there was no way anyone else could be the father - Abby would have told me if she was seeing someone. _He barely heard Ziva's response, because Abby had looked up and in his direction, her face lighting as she excitedly called out, 'Tony!'

He noticed Ziva's entire body stiffen when Abby called his name. He had hoped that with time the situation between them would ease, that they could somehow sort things out and at least be friends. He however did not have time to ponder on her reaction: as he had so steel himself for the impact of Abby's body-slam, slash hug, slash squeeze the life out of you.

_Surely a pregnant woman shouldn't do that_? He thought as his arms instinctively closed around her. However, his mind tuned out to anything other than Ziva: when she turned in his direction, her eyes suddenly enlarging. _God! How had she managed to become even more beautiful in my absence? She glows, her skin has this particular hue to it. I want to touch it, to feel if it is as soft as it looks, if it is still as soft as I remember it being, _he thought as he looked at her. His thoughts moved on, and came to rest at another. Ray. He quickly glanced down at her hands, indescribably relieved when he noticed the lack of a ring on her left hand. _So she has not gone through with it_, he thought as Abby's hug finally loosened.

Abby's bubbling drew his attention from Ziva and to the dark haired goth: who seemed determined to ask him a million questions within the shortest possible period of time, her hands talking animatedly along with her. His brain had barely registered the last question before another was fired. He tried to indicate for her to slow down a bit, to give him a moment to answer at least a few, when Gibbs purposely strode into the bullpen, 'DiNozzo, shouldn't you be with the Director?'

'Yes, Bo-Gibbs,' Tony corrected his answer, his gaze locking with Gibbs's, noticing the determination in the man's eyes.

'Well,' Gibbs demanded, before sitting down at his desk. His action was enough indication to Tony that the team was between cases: possibly catching up on paperwork. Tony smiled slightly at Gibbs's manner. Even after months away, Gibbs was still Gibbs: he could always count on the man to keep things in perspective.

Tony moved from Abby's side, professing, 'I'll come see you later,' _and then you can tell me about this baby_, he left the latter unspoken, before moving from them and ascending the stairs. He held Ziva's gaze for the latter part of the first flight. On his accent of the second flight, he noticed that his desk was still empty: he had not ventured to consider the likelihood of him being reassigned to the team, for he knew that he and Ziva had crossed the line, and that in all likelihood they would not be permitted to work together again, ever. But he would happily accept any position in the building, or at the yard, that the director offered.

He lifted his head and walked towards the director's office, for his debriefing and reassignment, ready to accept his fate: whatever it might be.

'You can go through,' Lynda indicated the moment he appeared at her desk, 'He's waiting for you.'

'Thanks,' Tony replied, stepping past her and into Vance's office.

'Agent DiNozzo, please sit,' Vance said indicating to one of the chairs in front of his desk.

'Director Vance,' Tony acknowledged, before sitting down.

Vance once again opened Tony's file, glancing it over for a moment. 'I'm at a bit of a loss as to where to place you,' Vance started, before looking up. 'Although your record reflects you as a capable agent, the word from Hettie and her team is that you're unpredictable, although resourceful,' Vance halted for a moment drawing a sheet of paper from his inbox, glancing over it. 'I have a position on the USS John Kennedy when it leaves port next month. Hetty has also indicated her interest for you to remain with OSP, and then there's a slot open with Agent Dunham's team in Dubai,' Vance continued, before returning his attention to Tony's file, lifting a slip from it. 'Then Agent Gibbs has also put forward that he would be willing to take you back onto his team.' Tony's heart started pounding anew: he immediately sat up taller at that. 'And from your reaction it is safe to presume you want to return to your old team,' Vance said closing his file.

'Yes director,' Tony sincerely replied, nodding his head slightly.

'It comes with a series of conditions though,' Vance cautioned him.

'Ziva,' Tony breathed in response, feeling his heart drop to his feet: knowing there was no way Gibbs was going to go easy on him on that one.

'Whatever happened between you and Agent David is not of my concern. My concern is having a team that functions as a unit: the way that team used to.' Vance stressed, 'The conditions have been set by Gibbs, not me, and he will discuss them with you if you are to return.' Vance looked pointedly at Tony: who nodded his head in response. 'Go talk to him first; and only once you have decided, will I officially reassign you,' Vance concluded.

'Yes director,' Tony replied.

'Talk to Gibbs, the sooner I get your file off my desk the better,' Vance replied, placing Tony's file to the side.

Tony stepped out of Vance's office and nodded at Lynda as he passed her desk, coming to a standstill when he reached the railing. He placed his hands on it, and looked out over the squad room below. Ziva was sitting, working at her desk, as was Gibbs. McGee came in with a tray of drinks and stopped at Ziva's desk, handing her one. Ziva thanked him for it, before placing it aside and returning to her work.

A longing sigh escaped him as he glanced at her: then suddenly froze. His heart dropped to his feet, as a cold bolt of shock rocketed through his body, rendering him numb. His hands gripped the rail tightly, the whites of his knuckles showing as his gaze remained fixed on that bag: the one Abby had been scratching through earlier. He swallowed repeatedly, trying to keep the bile down as his mind refused to accept the possible intimation it held: for it was no longer with Abby, it was neatly placed next to Ziva's coat.

_Oh god, it's not Abby that's pregnant._ His knees suddenly weakened at that thought, his mind rebelling against it. _No! Ziva cannot be pregnant. Please let her not be pregnant_. _Oh God please, no, not his, please let it not be his, not Ray. Any child of Ziva's would be beautiful. But with his genes: hers would have to work overtime. Besides he doesn't deserve to have her, doesn't deserve to have a child with her. He does not love her enough. _

He looked at her, trying to establish how far along she could be, because she was not showing… when a sudden sense of nausea overcame him, causing him to swallow even more in an attempt to keep the bile down… _What if it's mine? We, so often, we didn't, I didn't think about it. Oh god, that baby could be mine. _His heart pounded in his chest, as his hands tightened their grip even more: had he been superman, he would have mangled the railing…

His realization was soon followed by anger, _the baby could be mine and she hasn't told me, didn't even bother to contact me. Was she even going to tell me that I fathered a child? I had a right to know_.

Just then, Gibbs's phone rang, and he watched as his mentor picked up. Speaking into it for a moment before turning to look towards the director's office: mentioning something before ending the call. Tony had no doubt that it had been the director on the line. Ziva, having noticed Gibbs's actions, also looked up: and even from the distance separating them, he could see her expression change. A concerned frown appeared on her forehead.

He stepped back from the rail, thankful that his legs remained capable of bearing his weight, and watched as Gibbs made his way towards the stairs. Tony turned towards the stairs, intending to intersect Gibbs on his way to the director's office.

'Conference room, DiNozzo,' Gibbs said as he came up the last few steps. Tony nodded his head and fell in behind Gibbs.

They had hardly stepped into the conference room when Gibbs spoke up, 'Director says you want back.'

Tony closed the door before turning towards Gibbs, replying, 'If you'll have me.'

Gibbs, having placed himself on the opposite side of the table, looked at him for a moment, before asking, 'He tell you the conditions?'

Tony shook his head slightly n response, swallowing before replying, 'only that there are some.'

'Ziver,' Gibbs started, and Tony nodded his head at that. 'You two need to sort it out first, can't have the two of ya fighting,' Gibbs replied, before stating, 'team won't work then.'

Tony looked at Gibbs, wondering if he knew about Ziva's pregnancy: then cast off the thought: if Abby knew about it, and openly discussed it, then the whole team would know about it. Yet, none of them had thought to give him a heads up, to warn him of what he was going to face. Swallowing once again he replied, 'I'll speak with her, see if we can work something out.'

Gibbs looked at him tilting his head slightly, before shaking it, 'Let me know when ya have,' he finished then turned to leave.

Tony waited until Gibbs made to open the door before saying, 'Thanks, Boss.'

'I ain't your boss, not yet anyway,' Gibbs glibly said, before leaving.

Tony sat down at the conference table, placing his head in his hands as a sigh escaped him, _What am I going to do? Not even Abby had pre-warned him of this…_

Ziva moved restlessly about her apartment, the level of agitation having steadily increased since seeing him. Her heart had raced at first when Abby had announced his arrival, she had been too fearful to look around, just in case it was some prank. However, the tingling sensation that had started along her spine had forewarned her that it was him behind her: and her suspicion had been confirmed when Abby had dropped the baby-grow she had been holding, and rushed over to hug him.

Her heart had pounded as she turned to look at him, for a moment taken aback by his appearance he seemed drawn, having lost weight in his absence. She enviously watched as Abby hugged him: and he responded in kind. So often, she had wished that their relationship could have been as uncomplicated, that she could simply walk up to him and take what she needed. But alas, it was not: and it was only bound to become more complicated as things progressed. She had instead watched him as his eyes glanced about the room, and over her, before returning his attention to Abby. There had been no crooked smile, no slight nod of acknowledgement, he had been… aloof, would best describe it. It was only later, once she had gotten over her own shock of seeing him, and after he and Gibbs had spoken, that she had realized what her and Abby had been talking about, and that he could have heard. It was not how she had planned for him to find out, she still wasn't certain if she had any idea as to how she would have told him: only that she needed to.

He however had not returned to the bullpen after meeting with Vance. She had been tempted to call Abby some time after Gibbs's return to the bullpen: she needed to know if he had gone there, if the scientist had spoken to him since his arrival; wanting to know what was up, or where he was going. Something that had increasingly got to her as Gibbs remained tight lipped about what had been said between them: and she knew something had been said, because Gibbs never needed much time or many words to get his message across.

Ziva finally settled on her couch, dropping her head into her hands and releasing a frustrated sigh as she thought things over, when a familiar knock interrupted her thoughts: one she had subconsciously been expecting all night. She rose from her couch and crossed the distance to the door, steeling herself by taking a fortifying breath, before opening the door.

Tony stood in front of her door as he waited for her to open it: his heart pounding in his throat. He had spent a considerable amount of time deliberating as to what would the best course of action be, but had finally relented to his need to confront her on the matter, and get from her the answers he so desperately sought. However, as he stood there, he could not help but think it was a bad idea: that it was best left until later, best left until he had fully accepted what he had just discovered

He looked at her as the door opened. A tightening sensation enveloped his heart: for he was faced with the softer Ziva, the one he had been privy to for such a short period of time, the woman he loved, rather than the hard as nails federal agent she was by day. He could also tell that her guard was up, and that he was in for one hell of a fight.

She watched him for a few moments, remaining still in the doorway, until he wearily spoke up, 'We gonna do it out here?'

Ziva released a pensive sigh and shook her head, stepping back slightly and opening the door farther for him to enter, then closing it behind them.

His gaze landed on the carrier bag, that had been placed on the table, and was once again faced with the disbelief of their situation: the thought of her being pregnant, that soon there would be a little person for her to take care if, was difficult to envision.

'Would you like something to drink?' Ziva asked, intruding on his chain of thought: causing him to look at her, before shaking his head in reply.

He gathered his nerves, and finding his voice he asked, 'The baby's mine, isn't it?'

Ziva looked past him for a moment, and visibly swallowed, before pinching her lips and carefully nodding her head in reply.

Tony stepped closer, and quickly demanded, 'Were you even going to tell me?'

His action saw her pull back slightly, but holding her ground, before replying, 'That is an irrelevant question.'

Tony looked at her, a tightening sensation gripping his heart: his lungs also seemed to stop functioning, at her assertion, causing him to clench his fists in order to contain it. 'How could it be Ziva?' he demanded more heatedly than he intended, yes saw her stand her ground, 'I fathered a child. I have a right to know. So I find it very relevant.'

'It is irrelevant because this is the first time we have actually spoken since you were reassigned,' Ziva confirmed, stepping back from him, 'We have not had any real contact with each other since Ray arrived that morning.'

'And there was just no other way of telling me, was there,' he bitingly replied, watching as she moved to her lounge, following.

'Some things are best done in person, Tony,' Ziva finally replied turning to look at him, 'They are too important, too life altering to be casually referred to in conversation.'

'Yeah, I remember you telling me that about Ray, that's how things ended up in this mess,' Tony bit back, swallowing when she turned to look at him in disbelief.

'No,' She firmly replied, bridging the distance between them, he prepared for her attack, expected to be thrown off his feet once again. However she came to a halt a mere foot from him and glared up at him before continuing, 'We, ended up in this mess because you couldn't let things be. You could not wait for your memories to come back, and now you blame me for giving in to you, at a time I could not get hold of Ray. You were the one who would not relent, I could have waited, would have waited for your memories to come back, So that you were certain that what you were doing was what you wanted. But you made it so hard to keep you at arm's width.'

'Arm's length,' he immediately corrected her.

'Whatever,' she replied stepping from him, before softly professing, 'It was a mistake.'

Tony simply looked at her, speechless. To him it had been the farthest thing from a mistake. He could never consider it that: it had been too real, too important to ever be thought of as such. He swallowed against the pain that overcame him, pinching his lips tightly together, before retorting, 'You didn't seem to think so at the time.'

Ziva looked at him, before forlornly replying, 'Maybe because the heart often wants something it should not have.'

'Don't I know it,' he retorted in reply, taking another deep breath.

'Ha! You, who professed to _get_ E.J., claming that you understood her,' Ziva quickly started, before reposting, 'Have you even addressed matters between the two of you: or have you left her hanging on the side while you sort out… whatever it is you need to sort out?'

'This is not about E.J.,' Tony firmly replied, before professing, 'It has nothing to do with her.'

'Really?' Ziva questioned in disbelief, 'Because your actions are above approach? Because you do not really care who you hurt as long as you can have what you want?'

Tony looked at her in shock: unable to believe his ears. Ziva has never openly attacked him on his actions, she had joshed him about it in the past, but never actually accused him of being careless. Anger coursed through his veins, causing him to clench his hands in an attempt to temper it, clenching his teeth as he replied, 'Things were through between me and E.J. when she left.'

Ziva looked at him in astonishment, shaking her head slightly before replying, 'Then how come you told me?'

Tony just shook his head, drawing in a deep breath in an attempt to dispel the tension in his body, before replying, 'Oh come on Ziva! You were all gaga for Ray at the time. I didn't want you to worry about me, and what I wanted.' He looked past her for a moment, when he saw her disbelief, before mutedly adding, 'I didn't even think you would remember.'

'And just what type of a partner would I be if I do not remember the things my partner confides in me: especially when I think they are things that matter to him.'

'What was I supposed to say, Ziva?' Tony rejoined in frustration. ' The truth?'

'It would have been nice to know that you at least respected me enough to be honest with me,' Ziva quickly rejoined.

'And you would have wanted to hear that she's just someone I settled for, someone I spent some time with, because the woman I love won't even look at me, does not even think of me in such a way.'

Ziva stood speechless, her entire body ridged, as she looked at him in disbelief, eventually nodding her head slightly before replying. 'You have never even mentioned being in love, other than Jeanne.'

'Yeah, well, its not easy pulling out the big three, when you don't know how they will be received,' he quickly deflected. 'Besides there are more important things to address,' he added, indicating towards her abdomen.

Ziva stood taller at that, before professing, 'I have already decided that I'm going to have the baby.'

Tony shook his head whilst answering, 'That's not what I meant,' then looking pointedly at her, he added, 'I mean us. What are we going to do about us?'

'There is nothing to be done,' Ziva deadpanned.

'Ziva?' Tony appealed, his voice taking on an imploring quality.

'No, do not _Ziva_ me,' Ziva quickly replied, before reasoning, 'I have already spent nights thinking things over: and what would be the best for my child.'

'And you've decided that me not being in the picture is the right thing?' Tony retorted, before adding, 'Because I could not possibly want to have anything to do with it.'

Ziva swallowed at that, steeling herself against the pain his words evoked. It was not that she did not want him there: it was just better for her, and the baby. Drawing in a deep breath she finally found her voice again, and firmly replied. 'It is not about you, or you wanting to be there. It is about what is important for the baby. Children need stability,' She halted for a moment drawing in another breath, her heart contracting as she said the last sentence, firmly believing it, 'And you are as far from providing a stable environment as one can be.'

'What does that mean?' Tony retorted, glaring at her. She knew the words would hurt but they were needed. She needed to protect herself and her child, and she was not certain that she could do that with him around, that she would not end up being hurt time and time again because her heart never followed her head when it came to him.

'What do you suggest? We split weekends and holidays?' Ziva started, heatedly, 'and what if you become enthralled by some other woman, forgetting to pick up your son or daughter? Who then has to make excuses and explain things when you forget to be there because you have more pressing matters to attend to than some recital or football game.'

'I'm not my father.' Tony firmly replied through clenched teeth.

'No, you are not,' Ziva complied before firmly adding, 'But you have similar tendencies.'

'So you would rather my child grow up without his father?' Tony angrily demanded.

'It is what is best for the baby,' Ziva flatly replied, drawing in a deep breath to steel herself against the ache that filled her heart. There was nothing she could want more than to be with him, to share this with him, but she could not put herself through it, would not be able to overcome the denunciation she would suffer if he were to take interest in another woman. So, it was best to do it now, whilst they were the only ones to be hurt by this.

'What is best!' Tony heatedly replied, before pronouncing 'You know what is best? If I drag that pretty little rear of your to the nearest courthouse, and marry you. That's what is best.'

Ziva looked at him in shock, her heart racing, just the thought that he would do something like that, that he would tie himself down to her, was enough to almost make her abandon the argument. But she did not want him dong it out of duty, because even behind the tough exterior that she displayed to the world, there was a woman who wanted the man of her dreams to love her when they got married, not to just do it out of duty. She shook her head slightly in response, before replying, 'It is not unheard of for a woman fall pregnant and have children out of wedlock: it is no longer a shame. Here are many single mothers out there, raising their children. I would be no different to them.'

'So your demanding of me to step away, to leave you and the baby be?' Tony asked, incredulously.

'I am not demanding, Tony. I'm asking for you to do what is best for the baby,' _and me_, she left the latter part unsaid as she maintained his gaze.

Tony just looked at her in disbelief, his indecision clearly written on his face as he pulled himself up to his full height: swallowing visibly, before finally nodding his head, replying, 'okay,' However remaining in position for some time, before stepping closer to her, and hesitantly asking, 'could I at least say goodbye?'

Ziva frowned at that, and nearly backed away from him at the request, but nodded her head in response. She gasped slightly n surprise when he went down on his haunches before her, lifting her hands in confusion as he addressed her abdomen.

'Hey there! You,' he cautiously started, and Ziva looked down, noticing the way his hands clenched slightly as he visibly swallowed, before raucously continuing, 'It's your daddy here… I know you're nice and safe and warm in there because I know your mom, and she's good at keeping the things she loves safe.' Ziva gasped as his fingers traced over her abdomen, gently caressing her skin through the fabric her top. Her body immediately responding to his touch: having yearned for it. Her heart started pounding, sending blood down to her apex: a very familiar ache settling there.

'You're a very lucky baby, and you have a great mom: or at least I know she will be. She's already protective of you.' Tony halted, tugging at her shirt. Ziva wanted to object her hands clasping into fists as his hand came to rest on her abdomen. 'I could tell you about your mom,' he started his fingers once again stroking over her skin. 'She's an amazing woman. Scary. And by that I don't just mean her crazy ninja scary, and that she'll kick whoever crosses you's butt: but scary in the way that she can make you feel things, things that you're not even sure how to cope with, or if you could cope with them.' He drew in a deep breath then, and Ziva started swallowing against the ache forming in the back of her throat, as he continued, 'She can make you feel like you're the most important person in the whole world, and that's the most fantastic feeling.' The last came out gruffly and Ziva started swallowing anew, blinking to contain the tears as her eyes started aching.

Tony also took a deep breath before continuing, 'I just wanted you to know that I'm not sorry we made you. I could never be that. The three weeks I spent with your mother…were the best three weeks of my life. And If I could go back, I would make you all over again: only I'd be sure to do it the right way round, and tie her to me first.'

Ziva started panicking, not certain if she should push him away as she swallowed at the lump in her throat. His lips brushed against her skin, and her entire abdomen contracted at the contact. However, Tony seemed not to notice, as he continued, 'I love your mom, God knows I've loved her for years already. If it hadn't been for work, and the situations, and the misunderstandings…all I ever wanted was for her to be mine, to love me. I guess it just never as the right time. I knew I could never hold onto her, couldn't afford to lose her either.' The last he said pressing his forehead against her abdomen, before huskily adding, 'But I already have.'

Ziva swallowed, repeatedly, as she tried to master the conflicting emotions, the one side of her wanting to take those words and hold them close to her heart, but the other knew he had already hurt her so often, and that he could hurt her even more if she gave in again. She was uncertain as to what to do, not wanting to move away from him, his touch his presence so familiar.

She looked down at him, heard him draw in another breath, then groan slightly. The sound shot through her like a bolt of lightning, it was the same one he had made on smelling her arousal, and no amount of time would ever be able to erase that from her mind: or the pleasure associated with him. It all complicated her decision, making it harder to make. However, she gathered her strength steeling herself against the desolation that was to follow as she stepped back from him: not trusting herself to say a word.

Tony looked up at her, his own eyes appearing glassy. He cleared his throat and rose from his position, glancing about the room before finally professing, 'I guess I should go, no use hanging around where I'm not wanted.'

Ziva simply remained looking at him, her hands clasping in fists, as he moved towards her door. 'Where will you be going?' she finally managed to croak out as his made to open the door.

He released a sigh, before flatly asking, 'What is it to you?'

'So that I could at least let you know,' she haltingly replied.

'I'm not sure, a boat, possibly somewhere in the Arabian desert or OSP. It hasn't been decided yet, I'll let you know where,' he said opening the door.

Ziva watched him move her entire body strung with the attempt to hold t together, not wanting him to see how hard it was on her. 'Tony,' she gasped as he made to step through the door, causing him to turn and look at her. 'Why did you never say anything?'

Tony swallowed and cleared his throat, before shrugging his shoulders and replying, 'Would it have made a difference?'

Ziva just looked at him, stunned, their gaze holding for some time. He seemed incapable of moving, unwilling to go, and she was not certain if she could hold it together for much longer. Then eventually shook her head, as the tears breached.

He drew in a deep breath and pulled himself upright at her actions, breaking his gaze from her turning, intent on stepping through the door and out of her life, when he heard the broken words he would never forget, 'Don't go.'

He halted for a moment, trying to determine if he had really heard them or if it was just his imagination. He turned his head to look at her, fighting against his desire to run from there and numb the pain with corpus amounts of alcohol.

He watched the tears slip down her cheeks, and had to fight his own. He watched as she swallowed against the sobs, her exterior shell falling apart in front of him, and still he couldn't trust what he'd heard, if he'd heard properly.

She eventually managed to find some of her voice, croaking 'I love you.'

He would swear on his mother's grave that he has never moved as fast as he had then, wrapping her in a tight embrace. 'Don't make me go Ziva, I can't. Need you too much.'

Ziva pushed her head into his shoulder, her shoulders already shaking from the effort to contain everything, she haltingly replied. 'Don't want you to, I want to be tied to you and make more babies.'

Tony dropped his head forward, resting his chin on her head, professing, 'We'll make it work, somehow.'

..·¤°°¤·..·¤°°¤·..·¤°°¤·.ƸϊƷ.·¤°°¤·..·¤°°¤·..·¤°°¤·..

A dream is a wish your heart makes: and only by following it and making the sacrifices needed, will you know true happiness.  
>Thank you for reading.<p> 


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